#being the definitive authority for something that is not yourself requires more that just being alive!
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screamingfromuz · 1 year ago
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Ok, fine, let's talk about why sometimes I fucking hate identity politics. Your identity, your lived experience, does not make you automatically right about a subject that is not your personal experience.
your identity is important because it gives you a certain perspective that is unique to your lived experience, which can allow a more meaningful examination of subjects, it does not mean you are automatically right about something or have a higher moral standing grounds.
here is a timely example, I have been hearing a lot of "listen to the holocaust survivors! they have a higher moral ground! they know better then everyone what it looks like! their perspective must be better!" as if to say that because they survived the holocaust they must have a higher understanding of horrors. this is bullshit, and my timely example is Henry Kissinger (Oh yeah baby, we are going there). The guy fled the Nazis as a child, does it give him the moral high ground? does it means his understanding of abusive governments is the definitive authority? NO! that fucker was the living embodiment of the end justify the means and he was ready to sacrifice everyone and everything if it meant preserving what he decided is the USian interests. If I would have tried to give him the moral high ground just because he survived the Nazis people will justifiably call foul!
Being a victim or being from a victimized group does not makes you automatically right about everything! Abuse victims can still be toxic and abusive. I will give another example that is gonna piss some people off (GOOD):
being a woman does not give you a monopoly on defining what is and is not abuse and sexual harassment. Yes, women has more experience in the matter but for fuck sake I cannot even count how many times women I know refused to admit blatant abuse and sexual harassment. Or on the flip side, I saw women call innocent things abusive and sexual harassment! their womanhood did not gave them the definitive authority on the matter.
I know rape victims that advocates that all men are monsters and seek to abuse women. Will you say that they are more right than others because they were abused by a man? Does their experience give them the definitive authority on masculinity?
and you know what, in for a penny in for a pound. In Israel the families of the fallen get a kind of saintly position, where their word is given higher regards then other citizens, and let me tell you people, that is fucking bullshit. Having lost a family member in a war or a terrorist attack does not mean that you are automatically know better! I have heard so much bullshit from some of those families, and people don't call it out because it was a Shacol Family!
and this goes to everyone! if you lost a family member to a shitty situation you do not automatically know how to fix the broken system that killed them! Being right about the way to fix the system is what makes you right about it!
Grief does not makes you superior to others, or make you more right, it just makes your a grieving person.
don't get me wrong, your experiences and identity does give you important perspective and it should be taken in account when examining stuff, and can even help you develop a perspective for matters that can offer deeper understandings. you are always right about your own experiences.
still doesn't make you automatically right about all the other stuff, like the experiences of others. or how the world should work.
So the next person that tells me that someone is automatically right about everything based on their identity alone and not facts, can fuck off. Your identity and experiences does not means shit if you are fucking wrong.
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casinocarpediem · 8 months ago
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▪︎■☆ молоко 🥛 ☆■▪︎
(Translation: Milk)
Part 1, Part 2
☆ 🔞!!NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!🔞
☆ amab! Switch! Francis Mosses / gn! Switch! Reader
☆ Reader can have either amab genitalia or a strap
☆ soft sex
☆ implied Russian speaking Francis
☆ short
☆ a little bit of a twist in the end
☆ author has played Not My Neighbor
°○☆nsfw under the cut☆○°
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Francis was usually a laid back person who had a hard time showing any physical reactions to his feelings (not out of being stoic, usually he's just a little too tired to smile when he's happy or scream when he's scared). He wasn't one to smile all the time, but he showed his affection through other means. Like walking behind your back and kissing the nape of your neck and whispering "Золотце" (darling) behind your ear.
Or offering you some of his milk from work that his job wasn't able to sell so that you both could make something together or eat cereal together. There are a lot of doppelgangers everyday, everywhere, so he really cares about you. Even when he's usually too tired to express it with his face, he'll do so with his actions.
D.D.D. Is a pretty strict, so you and him made it an effort to always do everything required. If he forgot his hat at home he'd have a spare at work. You'd both work on your entry requests and always keep your ID's with you and to try to make an effort to always add your names on the list. Even if there would be an emergency at work. Just some extra measures to ease his anxiousness. And yours.
Other than that, being with him is always sweet. Like a warm mug of milk on a cold day. Steaming and keeping you warm.
Not to mentioned the sex with him. God. There's something about him and sex that makes you glad he's yours and yours alone.
His fingers are long. Not that thick, but he knew how to use them. Keenly observing your reactions within each prod as his digits brushed against a bundle of nerves that has you clutching his neck tight and holding him closer to you as he whispers "Куколка (dolly)... mmm... look at you"
He's not as verbal but he certainly has a smile on his face when he pleasures you and gives you what you want. Stroking and rubbing st your junk, it's wet. Thanks to him latching his mouth on the organ so that you could cum a couple times beforehand. He just wants to make you happy not gonna lie.
Oh, but sometimes he'll end up being a little too tired from work and not have the stamina to move at all. Not to worry! He'll be your pillow princess for the night. He loves those nights. You'll kiss his forehead softly whilst you thrust inside of him. A slow, passionate pace. You're slowly rearranging his guts while he holds the sheets so tight you'll fear they might rip in the morning.
He's a hummer. He'll hum and murmur stupid when he's fucking you. Or when you're fucking him. Phrases like "mmm... oh... З-Золотце... mmmmnnn..."
He can't help it! Even if he tried. He got shy about it actually but when you do engaged in sex more he felt like comfortable doing it. Honestly it's adorable.
Especially when he's giving oral. He's humming and drunk on the taste of you and he's always humming and moaning softly as you use him, and it feels so good. The added stimulation is so goddamn heavenly. And he's always good. He'd never tease and he never uses his teeth. He doesn't mind though if you do it. He's flexible with your desires. As long as if it isn't extreme or legitimately disgusting.
You love him so much and he loves you too and the entire building definitely knows.
...
So when he comes home with an odd demeanor. As if he's forgotten everything you two shared previously, as if hes a totally different person, you'll only have yourself to save before it's too late.
.
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mostlymarvelsstuff · 10 months ago
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Reader receives Nats nudes accidentally
Authors note: Just in case you didn't see, you can now buy me a coffee/commission something. See this post for more info 🥰
Authors note 2.0: trying out a new thing with a drabble series
Word count: 803
Marvel Masterlist Natasha Masterlist How They React To Masterlist
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   A while ago, Tony had been feeling generous and had offered to update everyone's personal computers. And Nat was definitely in need of an upgrade, she was still using the old laptop she was first given when she joined SHIELD years ago. It still ran, which she was grateful for, but it did lack speed and some other niceties. So she took him up on said offer.
   Which is why she now finds herself sitting at her desk with two laptops in front of her while she transfers over her multitude of files and data. It's a bit of a tedious task to go back through everything and find out what is actually worth keeping, what's important and what can be trashed before she hands it back over to Hill, but in the end it’ll be worth it. 
   She's just finishing up now, sending over the last few miscellaneous things. But what she hadn’t realized was that she had not selected her new computer as a transfer location this time, but had selected your computer. Likely unnoticed because she had forgotten about even connecting her laptop to yours during your last mission, and because her eyesight was beginning to get strained after so many hours of sitting here. Regardless, off they went, and she was none the wiser
   Meanwhile you're just returning to your desk from a much needed break when you see the file transfer notification light up. This confuses you, as you hadn’t asked anyone to send anything over, nor had anyone told you to expect anything. But since you apparently have some more things to attend to, you sit back down and open the file. This proves to be of little help however, because nothing is labeled. All you know is that it contains several documents and one picture. 
   You decide to open the picture first, as it would hopefully not require reading. It's clearly been taken in a dimly lit room so it takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the darkened screen to discern anything, but soon enough you're greeted with the side profile of a naked woman. This confuses you even more, but you find yourself unable to tear your eyes away. And that's how you spot it, a small scar to the left of the belly button
   “Oh my god!” you exclaim as you register who you're seeing, and you quickly close the tab
   Your hands start sweating as you wrack your brain for a rational explanation. You knew Nat was a playful flirt, the two of you did so all the time. But to send an explicit picture, unprompted, and by file transfer at that, just didn’t make sense. That's when you remembered the other contents of the file, and you quickly skim through them to see if they would be of any help piecing things together. When you discover that they are just after mission reports and weapons specs your hunch of it being unintentional is confirmed. Now, you just had to figure out what to do about it
   A few minutes later, you're standing outside the redhead's door as anxiety bubbles inside you. But you fight through it and knock. 
   “Come in!”
   She's turned enough in her desk chair to see who's entering and a wide smile spreads across her face as she registers that it's you. You feel guilty now, because you have a feeling your demeanor and what you have to say will cause that smile to falter, but you need to do this. Afterall, you’d want someone to be forthcoming if they received something like this of you.
   “Uh, hi Nat” 
   She notices your nervousness, but sets aside the observation for now “Hey Y/n, what's up?”
    “I think you accidentally sent me a few of your things during that last file transfer”
   “Oh, shit. Sorry about that, I’ve been at this for a few hours now and I guess I hit yours by mistake” she explains, “I didn’t even realize we were still connected”
   “Neither had I. But Nat, there was a picture of you among the documents”
   “Yeah? I hope it was a good one at least” she jokes, not realizing what you were trying to say. You're silent for a moment too long however, because she fully turns her chair to look at you, with her brows furrowed with worry, “Y/n, what's wrong with the picture?”
   “Nothings wrong with it!” you reply, a little too enthusiastically when you think about what's yet to come, “It's just that, well…. You're naked”
   Her face turns a shade of pink you’d never seen before, and her head swims with insecurities and nervousness. But she manages to bring out an air of confidence and gives you a sultry smirk
  “So, answer the question. Was it a good picture?”
Taglist:@wandaromamoff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfox @when-wolves-howl @danveration @naomi-m3ndez @sheneonromanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaming @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @readings-stuff @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @xchaiix @iaminluvwithnat @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories @imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastormm  @zoomdeathknight @rayeofmoonlight @aeroae @sashawalker2
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wonijinjin · 8 months ago
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being in a relationship with joshua hong: silly headcanons
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author’s note: lmk if you guys want another member version of this! @welcometomyoasis had to include one headcanon dedicated to you and your headcanons about him driving his lover around haha:)
synopsis: my silly thoughts on how it would be to live and be in a relationship with joshua. (the mingyu version of this can be found here)
word count: 1.3k | genre: fluffiest fluff | pairing: joshua x gn! reader | warnings: mentions of food, getting hurt
- your biggest supporter and bully in one person; he would always encourage you to do whatever you want to purse in terms of like your passion and hobbies, but when you do something embarrassing like trip over in a big crowd he would definitely tease you for it, he just cannot miss such a good oppopportunity; i can just see him softly giggling in an adoring way while teasing you after the incident. (of course my mans is still a gentleman so he would make sure you weren’t hurt in any way)
- he is such a praiser (in every aspect and meaning possible, i will leave this to your imagination guys), he will be the proudest whenever you achieve something and would be happier for your success than you yourself; if you get your degree he would be standing in the front row cheering and screaming, same if you got a promotion at work, he would take you out for dinner to celebrate it.
- his eye smile is almost always there when he is with you; he would grin every time you speak or even move because this is how much he loves you; he has heart eyes when he is with you, and the members for sure tease him for it.
- he is the most patient person when it comes to you (although he is generally patient aswell lmao), he would explain something if he had to over a hundread times just so you got it, it doesn’t matter how much time it takes; one thing that pisses him off though is when you don’t listen to him at all and that is the reason why you are confused; shua is an attentive listener when it comes to you so he expects the same from you.
- biggest princess treatment giver (after cheol lmao) in a relationship, perfect example for this is driving you around all the time; he doesn’t care that you have your license, he will make you a passenger princess and will make you enjoy it very much.
- old money/street casual fashion enthusiast, so when you would get him clothes like those for his birthday he would be over the moon. also loves jewelry on you, would buy you so many pretty (expenive) pieces.
- he is the biggest fan of dancing in the kitchen (just like in those sweet romcoms), yall cannot convince me otherwise; we all know he likes to keep his gentleman image up, he would be the softest when he sees you come into the kitchen upon hearing the music he was blasting through the speakers. he would grab your hands and spin you around instantly, rocking the two of you to the beat and letting out the softest giggles.
- he doesn’t cook much, but would love the idea of the domestic act of cooking for/with you, i picture him as more of the baker type, like someone who prepfers preparing sweet food when doing it himself (for ex.: french toast in the soop); he would definitely be annoyingly playful and smudge flour all over your cheek and nose just so he can be the gentleman and wipe it off romantically while stealing a few kisses.
- joshua loves when you need his help with tasks that require strength, it makes him proud that he can be at your service as your big strong boyfriend; remember that episode in gose when he opened the jars for vernon? he would love to flex his muscles in front of you with that, as he knows you love his biceps.
- babies you when you get hurt, not in a ‘you cannot take care of yourself you little baby’ way, but rather in a ‘you are so adorable let me help you fix it while i gush over your cuteness’ way. iykyk but there’s that one clip of him talking in a cute surprised baby voice in that show when him and jun took care of the twin girls and one of the girls started crying because she didn’t want them to leave, now that is exactly what i mean.
- he secretly loves watching you sleep, no matter if it is in the midle of the night when he just arrived from work or when he wakes up before you in the morning. he is in love with how peaceful your expression is when you are in dreamland, and even thinks the drool and the leftover wrinkles from the pillow on you face are cute. one of his favourite moments is watching you doze off after a hard and tiring day while he is driving the two of you back home, looking over at you every time he is at a red light, he is just kinda lovesick for you.
- will splash water on you every time you two are doing your morning routines in the bathroom together; you would be doing your skincare while he was brushing his teeth and the next thing you knew was him splashing around while you tried to dodge his moves, in the end getting water all over the mirror and him having to clean it up.
- he is not easily flustered when he is with you, he is the cheekier one out of the two of you most of the time, but if you say something out of pocket he will turn so red in a split second you think that he is gonna burst; if you flirted with him in front of the members he would not have the wits to come up with a cheeky comeback since he would be very shy.
- vacations with him are the best; he takes care of everything if you are not that eager to organise the trip with him, and it works so well since you know you can trust him with handling it; he can be a planner so he doesn’t mind having to handle the technical details; i can see him buying tons of travel guide books to learn more about the place.
- speaking of vacations, he would have the greatest ideas about what to do at the location, you wouldn’t even have to tell him what you want since he is exceptionally observant and knows you like the back of his hand, bonus that he would take you on a shopping spree to buy new clothes for/on the trip (whichever you prefer, maybe both) and would make you do a little runway show for him in the new pieces while he watches in a comfortable seat.
- would definitely buy you cute beanies and hats with the little fluffballs at the top in winter and autumn, as he puts it he just wants to protect your head from getting cold by the wind and the low temperature, but in reality he just finds them so cute on you he has to buy you a new one every week (just like the bunny ones he sometimes wears in concerts).
- he would ask you one random morning if he could do your hair, and since you let him do it that time, as life goes on it would become a habit that he would brush your hair and decorate it with cute accessories almost every week, i just know he knows how to take care of his hair, so you would always go to him to help you with not just styling, but with hair products aswell. (for my curly haired gals, he would learn the techniques to style it while it is wet aswell ofc)
- would make you try new hobbies; he would be dragging you to pottery class, and even if you didn’t like it, for the sight of shua’s eyes sparkling while doing his own little mug from the wet clay you would say it was worth it for sure.
- overall he would just love you so gently and treat you with so much adoration every single day that you would definitely feel like the luckiest person on this planet to have him (even though he always says he is the luckiest one to have found you).
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andrea-lyn · 5 months ago
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Roswell New Mexico - Master Fic Rec Post
See under the cut for thirty-four total recs, predominantly Malex. There's also 10 additional in the "Recs Less Travelled" project here.
a few drinks and some conversation by @christchex
Michael Guerin makes a friend who isn’t his sibling, an ex, or a sibling’s ex.
Astriferous Sea by hrhbrittany, Sismyn
Alex has always been the baby among the sirens in the Dead Sea. Michael is performing beard services for his sister. Communication is a little wishy-washy.
This AU came out of nowhere and smacked me right with the ‘I’ve always wanted this and I just never knew’. It has sirens and rescues and bad guys and false relationships and real marriages and rings and drama and romance. It honestly reminds me (in the best way) of an exciting romance novel and I’m so jazzed there’s still one part left to it.
The Bachelor by Sweetgirl2019
After the events of high school, Michael, Isobel & Max moved to California while Liz, Maria & Kyle stayed in Roswell and Alex went to war overseas. Once his enlistment period ends, Alex gets thrown into something that brings him and Michael back together again.
So I think this might be my favourite to see updated right now. It should be a run-of-the-mill fluffy AU, yet the author threw this incredible curveball by using the alien background in a canon divergence to turn The Bachelor into both a romantic dramedy for the boys, but also keeping the looming threat of people finding out about aliens in the background. Also, I think this is top tier pining that you will actively feel in your own chest, that’s how good it is. 
blink back to let me know by haloud - Roswell New Mexico
Alex doesn’t have important conversations over the phone when he can avoid them. It feels too much like going in blind. But in some ways, the phone makes it easier–it’s easier to break when no one’s looking.
It’s Mylex and the 5th in a series, and every part is worth reading, but I definitely re-read parts 4 and 5 a lot. It’s so well written and the dynamic is mwah and I love how Kyle fits into this. One of my favourite pieces in this is how Kyle reacts to his father in relation to Michael & Caulfield and it’s an amazing read.
built this house on memories by @villanellve
He wakes up eight years in the future, and everything is strange, but Alex is there.
YOU GUYS. If you were to write a list of tropes I adore, this would be way up there at the top because of how much I love it. I am a sucker for a character having to be removed from their situation to learn (whether it’s an alternate universe or the future or the past), but this one is so achingly painful and perfect and hopeful. I love the callout that the situation is almost too hard for Alex, I love the resolution at the end on Michael’s part, and you could just soak in the happiness and comfort of their future lives if you let yourself.
Can’t Get No by one_flying_ace
“They’re on round two already,” he says, tilting his head towards the truck again, “or maybe three.” Guerin grimaces, and that’s fair; it’s his brother, after all. “You know how they’re feeling. Could I handle it, if you stopped-” being in control, he doesn’t say, but Guerin shudders. “I’m good, Alex. Just keep the hell away.” (Or: alien sex rocks don’t make them do it, but they sure do help.)
Sex pollen/sex-or-die fics are pretty much a requirement, but this is my absolute favourite and I have re-read it more times than I can tell you (let’s put it at six or seven?) The restraint that Michael has in this is amazing, but the mental images of it are incredible as well. I loved Max and Liz’s secondary presence as well and how each character was tonally perfect down to the little things (like Max not noticing Michael’s sex marks). What a good. What a hot. What amazing.
Constant as the Northern Star by celzmccelz
Michael stares at Kyle. “But I’m a guy! How can I be pregnant?” Kyle looks embarrassed. “Well, you appear to have a fully functioning set of female reproductive organs—or, I mean, like, the kind of reproductive organs that are associated with a double X-chromosome in humans, so I’d assume that you probably became pregnant when semen was introduced into your reproductive tract—” “Jesus Christ, Kyle!” says Michael. He could have happily lived the rest of his life without ever hearing Kyle Valenti say the words “semen” and “reproductive tract.” Kyle’s eyes widen. “Have you been having unprotected sex?” “Oh my God, I am not having this conversation with you!”
Yes, going in, there are some warnings to be cognizant of. It’s mpreg, there’s a lot of medical stuff to go through, but I think this is my absolute favourite of the mpregs I’ve read and it actually comes down to Michael’s support system outside of Alex, namely in Kyle. There’s no sudden BFF bracelets being given, but that morality that makes Kyle Valenti who he is, that’s right there. Also, given that this is an mpreg fic, it delves into family and plot in a way that I haven’t often seen. Plus, you get the ‘getting back together’ Malex that I so deeply crave.
Contigo me encontré by beautifulcheat (Katalyst), ladynox
The Lockhart House was once a home, although it was never a happy one. Steeped in tragedy, it still stands today, in the heart of Old Town Roswell, attracting ghost hunters and those seeking to catch a peak of something from beyond the veil.
Contrary to popular myth, it wasn’t currently haunted (except by one paranormally talented docent). It was Michael’s favorite job and the best part of his summer home from UNM. Or at least was until Alex Manes was hired to man the gift shop, complicating an otherwise fun and easy job.
everywhere on earth you go - @evepolastried
Across the room, he can still see how Michael Guerin is looking at him. And that’s something different, something new, something so very familiar. The thrill of nerves, of guilt, of want. Alex smiles, and he starts to sing. (OR: Alex Manes grabs his guitar and gets the hell out of Roswell in 2008, and he leaves behind a letter. Here’s what happens ten years later)
I love this. This one has something incredible, and it’s something I called out, but it has this amazing work with pace. There’s a frantic moment at the bar and it’s chaos, and you feel it. It’s rushed and wild and crazy, but then everything slows down and it gets perfect. There’s Michael, there’s Alex, there’s music, and it’s such a great ride.
Family Matters by @bestillmyslashyheart
Isobel is telepathic. Most of the time she ignores it. She used to pick up on other’s people’s emotions but she’s long since learned to tune that out. Until one night she can’t. Someone, somewhere is in such a state that it’s spilling over and she’s left to deal with the brunt of it. Or, Michael keeps things close to the vest until he can’t. The night after Alex leaves him at the drive-in, everything he’s feeling bubbles up inside until it spills over onto Isobel. Suddenly he’s left with no other choice but to open up.
This is an early fandom piece, but I still think it’s held up to an immensely amazing rate. Not only that, but I love how it delves into powers, Michael and Isobel’s relationship, and the incredible idea of spillover, which I still actively wish would become canon because of this fic. I think it’s so IC, especially with Michael’s active wish not to talk about it that he screws himself over in his sleep and seriously, it’s such a good read for both Isobel & Michael stuff, but also Michael & Alex.
the first who ever did - nostaljinks
Five times Michael saves Alex + 1 time Alex saves Michael back.
I feel like there aren’t enough words that I can heap onto this of praise. This fic is well-written, well-plotted, well-thought out, well-everything. It’s a beautiful emotional roller coaster and will make you ACHE, but in a great way. It also is the right amount of long that you want more, but you also get it, and it’s just as quality as the rest. ABSOLUTE must read.
fish bowl by @sabrinachill
Alex makes a series of phone calls and bad choices that lead him directly here — an Airstream on the edge of a junkyard with a distractingly attractive mechanic showing him how the dining table converts into a bed that he can sleep on for just $75 a week. It is, of course, completely absurd. But there’s something cozy about the fuzzy yellow blanket on the bed/table and the sparkling sunlight streaming through the mostly-clean windows, in the smell of leather and motor oil and aftershave and summer storms, in the hopeful half-smile on Michael’s face. That’s his name — Michael. Alex’s potential new roommate and landlord. (AKA An AU About Quarantined Roommates Who Fall in Love)
I highly recommend anything by @sabrinachill, but this fic is a really clear argument about why. It’s an AU that involves quarantine, and you might think ‘oh, I’ve read that before’, but then it will take you down the unexpected road that you didn’t expect to go down, but as soon as you take that twist, you instantly realize how much better it is that way. Hats off to the clever plotting not just in Fish Bowl, but other fics! 
Funny How Things Never Change - @waroftheposes​
“What can I do for you?” Michael asks, turning to face Alex. Alex can tell the moment that Michael’s mind registers who he’s addressing, because the polite smile drops from his face and the hat falls from his hand. He stands there, eyes wide and unbelieving, looking at Alex. Alex takes a deep breath, willing his racing heart to settle. “Well,” he begins and is his voice shaking? “For starters you can get your stubborn ass over here and give me a divorce.” – (A Sweet Home Alabama AU)
Yooooo, guess who was bereft when she thought she lost this link. It was absolutely me. This AU makes me happy in so many ways, especially the storms in the desert motif that keeps coming back around, and also that it’s messy. I like that it’s not cut and dry, that it goes right up until the wedding, and that it takes some real talk for them to get back together. I love fics where they all get to be human and this one is just so good. 
I Know Nothing Stays The Same by aewriting
“Alex doesn’t believe in miracles until one happens to him. His father has a hammer in one hand and Alex’s throat in the other. As Alex’s consciousness fades, he’s dimly aware of movement. His father’s about to swing the hammer, and this is how Alex will die.” When an unexplainable force puts a stop to Jesse’s attack in the shed, Alex and Michael are forced to go on the run. Leaving Roswell is an easy decision, but navigating the consequences of that choice months and even years later proves to be much more complicated.
I think this one became a must read very early on, but then it’s continued to deliver. There’s been a few stories that delve into the characters getting therapy, but there’s a whole chapter here where it genuinely feels cathartic as we go through the process with Alex. This fic also is an excellent and long version of an AU I think that we’ve all wondered, about what would happen if they ran away, and it’s so well written and so real that I know I will be re-reading this a ton. Like many of the others, why I love it is because it’s not perfection, but it’s the kind of real where I want to wrap myself up in it. 
i won’t go, i can’t do it on my own by @queersirius
alex tries to let go by giving back the pieces of michael he’s kept
Millie has a bunch of AMAZING AUs (guys, the 10 Things I Hate About You is something I never thought I’d get, especially from a favourite author), but i think this one is actually my favourite, especially when it comes to the ship piece that Alex has. Again, when I talk about ‘fics that make me want to be better’, this one was one. The writing is engaging, the characterization is fabulous, and the emotions are so honest and real. Then there’s this line, like a gut punch:  “Because it’s the last thing I have of you,” he admits. “The last piece of you I have to let go of.” which I love because it’s still Alex’s journey, an honest attempt to offer closure (if closure is wanted). 
in some other life - @spaceskam​
michael tries to build a time machine, but ends up in a different reality all together
There are a lot of these that have been written and they are all quality, but I love this one especially because of how we get into Alex in the other universe, get the glimpse of this unknown Michael, but also the scene that strikes this one out for me is that Alex doesn’t want to let him go. I love that Alex gets to be selfish, that he begs for him to stay, and that we don’t get the automatic happy ending in that, but there’s still the hope for it. Also, Alex the Angel, unf. 
intimate encounters of the third kind by @alexmanes
Three years after Antar and its people take Earth under their wings, Roswell becomes the epicenter for human-alien relations between both planets. It doesn’t take very long for Alex Manes to find himself embroiled in a scandal that threatens this intergalactic partnership, all thanks to a beautiful man named Michael Guerin who is not nearly as human as he claims to be.
Okay, so, if you like No Love Like Your Love, the truth is that you have this fic to thank. This was my first introduction in RNM fandom as to what a really amazing fic could be that incorporated the royalty elements into the pairing. Once 1x12 aired and we met Michael’s mother, it was pretty much a done deal that I wanted to do something that played with that, but this is the actual inspiration. It’s well plotted, it has a great ensemble cast, and plays with the kind of care that it takes to know your plot inside and out, but also to leave breadcrumbs that guide the reader along. It’s very methodical in the sense that nothing is by accident and it has you on the edge of your seat.
It’s a long road back to you by @magsthemagical
Michael finds out that Alex is dating Forrest and he’s okay with it, until he’s not. Maria suggests a double date to show they can all hang out as friends. But they can’t… not really. [OR the one where Michael & Alex realize that they belong together and so they say goodbye to their respective relationships and start anew]
Honest truth time - in terms of ‘ships, while I always love people to ship and let ship, my personal preference for both Michael and Alex is one another, so both Maria/Michael and Forrest/Alex aren’t things that I usually seek out when trawling Ao3. This fic is so good to all parties involved. No one is a villain and I appreciate that they get to talk about things like Alex’s reticence to do certain things in public, but also being aware that Alex deserves to have something new as much as Michael.
Last Stop: This Town by @ubiestcaelum
Someone asked what it would have been like if Michael had gone home with the Evan’s and I couldn’t let it go.
Am I cheating because I requested this? idk, maybe, because another one I requested will end up here too. I am addicted to the idea of Michael getting the support system he needs, but THIS FIC takes it to the most impossibly amazing level and fleshes out the Evans parents in such an incredible way. I love that it’s not super sunshine and rainbows, but it’s an honest telling of raising kids (and maybe too many kids versus what you expected). I know this is only in progress (several today will be), but even as it is, it’s worth reading multiple times, because I know I have.
let me count the ways by @queersirius
liz ortecho isn’t allowed to date until her snarky, determined-not-to-date brother, alex ortecho, does. luckily, one of her suitors has a plan. well, max goes to isobel for a plan, which involves getting their brother, michael, to woo alex. or, the 10 things i hate about you AU
Obviously this needs to be here as I desperately pleaded for it to exist, but it’s so beyond what it might be as a mini tumblr ficlet and has become a whole world. It’s not just a great Malex story, it’s an amazing story for all the characters and really fleshes out a world, but weaves in the RNM characters perfectly, but also gives me a dynamic I want more of, in Alex being an Ortecho. It’s not quite finished yet, but Millie has never steered us wrong and I can’t wait for more.
Loathly by @aewriting
When King Manes and his sons are caught illegally hunting on Antarian lands, King Noah gives King Manes a choice - correctly answer a riddle or accept death. A year-long search for the correct answer ensues, leading the youngest son of the king, Alex, to strike a bargain with a mysterious woman who claims to know the answer. This is an AU of the Arthurian legend “Sir Gawain and the Dame Ragnell.”
Love at First Sass - @daffietjuh
Taking a class of 30 high school kids on a school trip to an Air Force base was about as exhausting as it sounds, luckily, the Captain giving them the tour is perfectly capable of handling a group of rowdy teenagers. Michael may be slightly in love Okay, so first of all, if you haven’t read any of the author’s other work, you should. The AUs are fantastic and the hockey one is still one of my favourites ever, but this one also just was exactly what I needed. It was sexy and flirty and fun, but also fit their personalities perfectly!
Everything in the Michael Sanders AU, by prouvaireafterdark which is a fantastic series that gives us what we all wanted, which is Walt Sanders giving Michael the home he deserved (and getting one right back).
My love is a life taker by @jocarthage
By the time he turned 15, Captain Alex Manes had been to every war zone and unofficial conflict the United States of America was involved in. It wasn’t regular practice, or even heard of, for a Colonel to bring his son along on combat missions; the exception was if the child had been identified as Time Aware, able to travel in time along their own timeline using stolen alien technology. So here Alex Manes was, 28, and ducking bombs, killing who he’s told to. On his way back from a mission, Alex slips into another timestream. It should be impossible. But he can hear a child crying and he heads towards the sound. This is the story of how Alex saved Michael and Michael saved Alex, with lots of time travel shenanigans and angst.
This story is incredible for so many reasons and one of them I continue to praise is the balance. It’s an Alex driven story, but you can break his life down into friends, mission, family, and Michael, and often those elements combine, but there’s never any update that doesn’t give you enough (imo). It’s excellent writing with engaging OCs and wonderful plot, and the most incredible love story.
not in this world (or the next) by @hannah-writes
It isn’t until he realises he can’t find the keys for his fucking truck anywhere and that there’s mail on the table addressed to Mr M Evans that Noah called him ‘Evans’, too. He fumbles inside the wallet that he’d managed to locate and pulls out a New Mexico licence with his picture on it; he doesn’t have a black eye and a split lip in this one, his hair’s tamed and he doesn’t look like he’s gone three days without showering. His date of birth is stamped, clear and correct, but then where his name should read ‘Michael Guerin’, it reads “Michael Evans’ and the address registered on the license is that of Max and Isobel’s childhood home. Noah had also said ‘your mom’s’. Not ‘Mrs Evans’. It feels like a bucket of ice water’s dumped over his head as he finally accepts that something is very, very wrong. (aka, the fic spawned from a tumblr prompt about Michael waking up in a parallel reality.)
This one, guys. This is an absolute beast of angst and love and a really well plotted story, but also is really amazing for how it creates Mikey, but also creates motive behind what drives both Michael and Mikey in ways that are the same, but also different. Genuinely, this fic is a great read because you get so much attention to the characters while also driving along the relationships, and who they are. 
nursery sharks by christchex
Six firsts in the Sanders household and a second.
Otherwise Engaged by JustAsSweet
Alex Manes was perfectly happy with his job at Colden Records but when his visa is rejected and deportation looms, marrying his assistant Michael Evans is his only option. And when they make a trip to Alaska to see Michael’s family, everything becomes a lot more complicated.
AKA: The Proposal AU that no one asked for but I wrote anyway.
Shadow Work - @myrmidryad
After his discharge from the Air Force, Alex Manes is working as a shade - a professional ghost hunter - when Michael Guerin tracks him down. Alex left Roswell thirteen years ago and never went back, but overnight Michael’s family has vanished and the supernatural activity in Roswell has exploded, and he wants Alex’s help. Featuring: ghosts, more ghosts, metaphorical ghosts, and a lot of sex without talking about feelings. Also missing family members, government conspiracies, and gratuitous worldbuilding.
No, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I can’t rec this enough. Literally, this is a novel-type rec. If this were a book on a shelf, I would be shouting that you need to go read it, because it is literally good enough to be a published work on a best-selling list. It’s so fucking good. Every time you think it can’t get better, it does. It has nuance and plot and world-building and it is So. Fucking. Good. I could sit here and sing praises all day and it still wouldn’t be enough. Please give yourself a holiday treat and read it.
The World Forgetting, By The World Forgot by Anonymous
Michael and Alex erase each other from their memories. It does not go according to plan. [Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Roswell style]
I mean, I could rec anything by Anonymous and it would be worth your read. They’re so good and so in character,  but this one is my favourite. It’s angsty as fuck, don’t get me wrong, but it plays with the movie plot in such a Roswell-specific way that makes sense that I honestly never even compared or contrasted it to the movie past the first few beats. The pain is visceral, and the memory loss segment is incredible, but also delivers on a positive ending. 
To Trust Love by @laughsalot3412 
The prisoner’s voice sounded like home. He could have been raised in Roswell, the way his accent stretched his vowels. He definitely hadn’t been. Alex would have remembered eyes like those. (AU where Alex Manes goes on an undercover rescue mission in Caulfield Prison and forms a bond with one of the prisoners in the process.)
I don’t have enough words in the English language to praise this one. Honestly, I don’t. For one, the pace and the length is perfect. That we got the parts as quickly as we did was honestly such a treat, but then every part was just as high quality as the last. There are chapters in this one that made me go, “holy shit, this would’ve been a novel I read”, and then there are little emotional impacts where the tone shifts, but it works so well. It’s SO HOT, and the AU is so perfect, and also helped inspire the one that I wrote last night with the “genie”. 
Unwind Me - delgay
“Think you can manage that? Sitting next to me, without picking a fight?” Michael challenged. “Can you?” Alex returned. “No idea,” Michael admitted with a sideways grin that never failed to make Alex’s stomach turn over, “But I’m eager to find out.” Alex is avoiding everyone, but he can’t seem to escape Michael.
This whole fic is intensely amazing, but it got on my rec list for the absolutely electric scene with the dancing that was absolutely beyond incredible. You also get Michael courting Alex, which is something he utterly deserves and I love the way Michael goes about it. 
we feel so american by thepredatorywasp
“Papa’s on the spaceship again?” River asks, his bright green eyes welling with tears and his face growing red. “Comin’ back?” “Of course he is,” Alex says, smoothing down the son’s hair and adjusting the Mickey ears atop his head. “Always.” There is no easy way to explain to your three year-old that not only is he an alien, but his Papa is an alien and that apparently, Michael loves leaning hard into irony because he has gone on Space Mountain approximately ten times over the course of four days.
LOOK. I LOVE A SWEET KID FIC. The next rec will prove this, but this one will melt your fucking heart. I love it because it’s not perfect and easy. There’s difficulties, there are issues, but it’s Michael and Alex and their baby boy in Disney and if you do not come away feeling warmer from this, then I just don’t know. 
We’re Waking Up Slow by myrmyriad
“I think need a little time to process all of this. Um. Storm’s getting closer and I don’t really wanna get snowed in here, so…let’s just talk later, okay?” What if the storm that blew in during S01E10 came in a lot faster and heavier, and Alex was snowed in at the junkyard?
Again, fic that makes me wish that I could write as well as this. This one makes you feel it all. You’ll feel the cold, the wet, the storm, the pain, the hope, the healing. You feel the connection between Michael and Alex, and you’ll be left wishing at the end that this had been how canon went, but also that it’s justifiably not that far off from how it could have, had they taken a different tack, because of how well it’s written. 
What’s Up, Pregnant? by Marie_L
Michael Guerin is broke, practically homeless, and a knocked up secret alien. What now?
Speaking of kid fics, this mpreg is one that I really like, because if nothing else, it introduced the concept of mpreg using pods to me in the fandom, and I kind of went, “YES, of course”. I love that it’s got everyone rallying, but I mostly love the psychic connection between Michael and his baby, and the softness of loving sugar and Alex. 
With Love Overflowing by Nestra
"We both agree that this is not the place we belong, right? Please say yes."
Michael tossed his hat on the coffee table and dropped onto the couch. "If you mean that your dad's been dead since CrashCon and some kind of crazy shit is going on, then yeah, I agree."
(This one was for me for Secret Santa, it is just THAT GOOD that I want everyone in the world to read it)
x marks the spot (where we fell apart) by catching_paper_moons, preciousthings
“Don’t write it off,” Alex says, and Liz is so relieved someone is coming to her defense, even if it’s someone who already knew beforehand. “Liz and Kyle have ideas, and there are people in this room with literal superpowers. It’s pretty much our only option.” “Our only option?” Isobel scoffs. “What are we, Ocean’s Eleven?”
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riboism · 2 years ago
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ungodly hour
pairing: j.yh x (f) reader content: pool sex, established relationship, valentine’s day, public sex, manhandling, dirty talk wc: 900
a/n: I think about that yunho dubai poolside pic maybe 2-3 times a day
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“Yunho.”
He only hummed into your lips, having no intention of breaking away from the kiss just yet, no matter how much you whined. It was Valentine’s Day weekend, and Yunho surprised you with a trip to a couple’s retreat in the city. The hotel you were staying at has a pool, and your boyfriend begged you at the odd hour of midnight to come down and join him for a swim.
It was innocent at first, until a game of tag led you to be pushed up against the edge of the pool while Yunho locked his lips with you from above and teased you with his bulge below the water. He had been rubbing fronts with you for a while now, and you could feel him growing as he did. You finally managed to break away from the kiss, gasping for air as you tried to warn your very excited boyfriend.
“Someone can walk in and see us!”
He clicked his tongue and pulled you closer to him by your waist. “Trust me, no one’s going to come in this late. Come on, it’ll be fun. Didn’t you say you wanted to spice things up a bit?” He winked.
Being busy and working adults, sex with Yunho had become pretty mundane and predictable, even with all the manhandling. You suggested spicing things up and trying new things this weekend, but public sex wasn’t necessarily on your list. “I don’t know…”
Yunho’s lips trailed down to your chin before he made it to the sweet spot between your neck and shoulder. His fingers toyed with your swim top’s strap, slowly pulling it down from your shoulder. “Please baby. Need you right now.” He mumbled into your skin. He was rock hard now, mindlessly rutting his thick bulge over your clothed clit. He was so far gone that it would require a lot of work to get him off you, but if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t want to stop just yet. Feeling his cock tease you like this only made you want him more, and you weren’t sure if you’d be able to wait until you made it back to your rooms to continue.
Reaching down into the water, you undid the knot on his swimming trunks while Yunho looked down at you with a boyish grin. He loved the pained look on your face and was completely smitten over the fact that you wanted him as badly as he wanted you right now. Trying to pull his trunks down was more difficult under water, and you looked at him with desperate and pleading eyes when he didn’t bother helping you out. “Yunho,” you cried in frustration “hurry.”
With haste, Yunho pulled his trunks down just enough to release himself. He lifted you up from the back of your thighs and you immediately locked your legs around his waist. He pulled your panties to the side and began lining his leaky tip up with your entrance, forcing a small gasp out of your lips when you felt him rubbing against your achy core. “Fuck, gonna take me right here right now, baby?” He teased.
The stretch is usually a little painful because of Yunho’s size, but the pool water helped ease you onto him better. It was too slippery for you to move, so you wrapped your arms over his neck and held on the best you could while he grabbed onto your waist and moved you up and down his length to his own pace. Sometimes, you let him choose the pace, allowing him to use your body at his will. Afterwards, he’d kiss the bruises he left from his tight grasp on your waist.
It was hard to keep quiet with the way Yunho dragged you over his cock, his hard tip reaching so deep inside you. If anyone was around, they’d definitely know what you two were up to. Yunho adored how vocal you can get, but he also didn’t want to get kicked out of the hotel in the middle of the night.
“Gotta do something about those pretty little moans baby.” He said, before dismantling you from him. His hands took authority over you, guiding you to turn around so you were sandwiched between him and the edge of the pool, your back pressed against his chest. You knew what he wanted to do next, but you let him pull your hips closer to him before he rammed into you from behind. Yunho caught your moans with his palm, his long fingers squeezing your cheeks as he did so. “Have to stay quiet, baby. Fuck, you feel so good.” He whispered into your ear. “Tiny little pussy taking my cock like this…gonna take all my cum too?”
You let out a muffled yes into his hand, earning you a chuckle from Yunho. “That’s my girl.”
The sound of your skin slapping together got more and more delayed, a sign that he was close. You dipped your hand under the water to work your way up to your own high, but Yunho already beat you to it. His fingers glided over your clit perfectly, giving you the perfect amount of pressure before you two finally reached your peaks.
Your walls clenched around him, squeezing out every last drop of his essence. His head fell into the crook of your neck, and you kissed his head softly as he calmed down.
“We have to do this again.” He panted.
You giggled at his enthusiasm. “Absolutely not.”
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🎧 ungodly hour- chloë x halle
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tenpintsofsundrop · 1 year ago
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Push and Pull
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Emily Prentiss x Fem!Reader (Smut Blurb)
Concept: While playing games with Viper, Emily (accidentally) plays on your attraction to her - something you had been trying to hide since you started with the BAU. The results end up being more than interesting.
Word Count: 2,800
Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link
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Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.
Warnings: smut; this is set during Season 4, Episode 9 (52 Pickup) and there is a lot of references to the episode in this, but I think you could read this without having seen the episode; mentions of typically sexist practices - in the form of 'pickup artistry': the reader character replaces Jordan Todd on the team; there is an age gap between Emily and the reader - Emily is older and the reader character is younger; the reader character uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina; mention of the reader wearing a dress and makeup; the reader has sexual fantasies about Emily - which include: pussy eating, fingering, rough sex, semi public sex, being called 'naughty girl'; most of the sex acts are in fantasies (this fic is mostly tension and build up and sexually adjacent situations rather than actual sex); masturbation (the reader masturbates); mentions of masturbation being unsatisfying or not feeling 'as good' as having sex with the desired partner; caught masturbating - Emily walks in on the reader; Emily refers to herself as 'Mama' (once); rough kissing, Emily gropes the reader through clothing, very light choking (from Emily toward the reader) (Emily puts her hand on the reader's neck and applies pressure for a few seconds to get her attention), Emily calls the reader 'needy little thing' (in this case the word 'little' is meant to be condescending and not a description of size); undertones of degradation kink; I believe that is everything.
A/N: The original request mentioned fake dating (and I would love to do that trope with Emily), but I couldn't stop thinking about how stunning and gorgeous Emily looks in this episode, and I thought it would be interesting to use it. Also the idea of a man basing his pickup techniques on women needing male validation when - hey, what kind of women wouldn't want or need male validation? A woman who is obsessed with the other gorgeous woman at the table. It was such a fun scenario to write about. I definitely wanna write more Emily fics in the future.
...
At first, you really weren’t looking forward to it. 
Though it seemed fun in concept - having an excuse to dress up and go out to a club while on the job - Emily assured you that it was going to be miserable. 
The way Emily talked about the man - Viper. She almost made him sound worse than some of the confirmed killers you had dealt with during your short time at the BAU. She said that he was the scum of the earth, a waste of oxygen, that made her feel dirty just by giving her a weird look. She joked that she was ‘dragging you along’ because she didn’t want to suffer alone (that, and she needed backup, in case the guy truly was dangerous). 
From the way she talked about it, you thought the night was going to be miserable. 
You certainly didn’t expect it to be one of the best nights of your life. 
Viper frequented bars and nightclubs. So of course, nightclub appropriate attire was required. You rushed to a store and grabbed the first tight dress you could find (a red one with spaghetti straps that would pair well with a pair of modest black heels you already had in your bag for the job). You didn’t expect to come back and see Emily getting changed into a clingy black dress that fit her like sin, her makeup subtle but smokey. 
You had been actively suppressing your attraction to her, a gorgeous older woman, since you had joined the BAU a month ago. You told yourself that you could keep your lustful feelings under control because you would only be there temporarily, to replace their usual media liaison - who was on maternity leave. But seeing her dressed up like this, it certainly didn’t help with that suppression. 
Things only got worse when you got to the club and Viper descended upon the two of you. (You quietly whispered to Emily that his name should have been Vulture and the soft laughter she let out had your insides fluttering.) 
Turns out, Emily had been paying extra attention to the ‘push and pull’ technique that Reid had talked about. And even though you knew that it was just in the name of messing with the cocky man - you fell hook, line, and sinker for Emily’s combatants of this technique. 
See, rather than letting him push and pull the two of you - compliment one of you and leave the other one reeling for validation, Emily complimented you herself. She never let Viper leave room for you to need that validation. Not that you would ever need it from someone like him. But she certainly threw him off with this tactic. 
She supported you, focused far more of her attention on you than she did on him. The two of you never fell to the traditional ‘women in constant competition’ market that his techniques were built on. If she put far more of her focus on you and actively ignored him (or even not-so-subtly insulted him), then what could he do? 
Women not vying for his attention? It was a curveball for the ages. 
Clearly, he had no backup plan. He was struggling to keep up. 
If he called your dress cheap, Emily said how well the fabric complimented your amazing body. If he said your mascara was clumpy and poorly done, Emily said your eyes were naturally beautiful and shined bright without makeup anyway. 
The more annoyed it seemed to make him, the more she fawned over you. 
And it left you staring at her all night. Captivated by her beauty, her silky voice. You barely even knew that he was there as she laughed at him, engaged in his silly games, taunted him. 
By the time you left the club, you were almost high on the affection Emily had given you. 
The rest seemed to go by in a blur. The real killer was caught at a different club, and the team retired back to their hotel to get some rest before returning home. As you and Emily walked back to your shared room, you were still laughing and joking about the pathetic man who somehow made his living off of scamming men more pathetic than him. 
“And did - did you see the look on his face when I said ‘you probably go home alone, don’t you?’ - Like he - he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t falling for his BS,” Emily said, stuttering through her words as hardy laughter disrupted her speech. 
“It’s like he’s never met a confident woman in his life.” You replied, a delicate chuckle in your voice. 
It was a subtle compliment toward Emily, admiring her confidence in how well she had dealt with the scummy, overly cocky man. 
“No, not quite.” Emily sighed, using the keycard to open the hotel room door. 
Your insides fluttered even more when she held the door open for you. You couldn’t help but enjoy the domestic feeling behind it as you brushed past her body in order to get inside. 
Of course, she wasn’t even paying attention to the dreamy, starstruck look on your face as she continued speaking. 
“He’s never approached a confident woman before.” She quickly corrected, letting the door fall shut and click locked behind her. “He’s never approached a woman he thought he couldn’t con.” 
“And for some reason he dared you to ‘meet him on his turf’?” You questioned, repeating the words she had told you, when ranting about the previous interaction she had with the awful man. “You, of all people?” 
You had to wonder what about Emily Prentiss would come off as even slightly insecure or - what about her said that she would fall for his stupid tricks. In your opinion, it was like trying to outrun a cheetah using a tricycle. 
“Yeah, I guess he was counting on me being drunk and blinded by all his guyliner.” Emily joked, tossing her bag down onto one of the twin beds. 
You collapsed down onto the other bed with intense laughter. The joke itself was funny, but her delivery, her confidence, and her smile caused a spark through you that forced you to laugh off the tension before you jumped her bones. You had to be professional. You had to keep reminding yourself of that. 
“I call the bathroom first.” She announced. “I really need a shower after being drowned in Drakkar Noir all night.” 
You had to ignore the dryness in your throat and the heat between your thighs at the thought of her in the shower. Previously, it was something your mind could have easily glossed over, but after she spent the night fawning over you and capturing your attention completely, it was like you were a horny teenager again. Now all you could think about was her completely naked, droplets of hot water rolling across her skin, surrounded by steam. 
You had to pull yourself together. You had to be professional, for fuck’s sake. 
“But of course.” You told her, giving a smile and a nod. You motioned toward the bathroom, as if presenting it to her in a gentlemanly fashion. “I’ll probably just shower in the morning.” 
Emily nodded in acknowledgement of this, and there was no further conversation. 
This left your mind reeling, your body entirely tense and hyper aware of her every movement as she got ready. You had to busy yourself with grabbing your pajamas out of your own bag - an oversized X-Files tee shirt and a pair of comfortable cotton shorts - while she grabbed her toiletries bag and went into the bathroom. 
The water turned on and you tried your hardest not to think about her undressing and stepping under the stream as you changed into your pjs. You tried your hardest not to think about her tight, fit body relaxing under the steam. You tried your hardest not to think about soft bubbles rolling across her soft, pale skin. 
Clearly, you were failing. Failing not to think about her. Failing miserably when it came to suppressing your attraction for her. 
By the time you climbed into bed, there was a hard, hot pain between your thighs. 
You wanted so badly to simply roll over and go to sleep. You wanted to ignore it. But a very large part of you worried that if you didn’t ‘take care’ of that nagging arousal, then you wouldn’t be able to sleep. And if you didn’t sleep and you rolled into the next day with this attraction to Emily still at the forefront of your mind - then you wouldn’t be able to act normal around her for the travel day home tomorrow. You might say or do something stupid. 
You had to do something. 
The longer you laid there in bed, unconsciously squeezing your thighs together, feeling your pussy throbbing between them - thinking about Emily’s head being trapped between your legs - the more it bothered you. 
You had some time while she was in the shower, right? You could be quick. Of course you could. And if you heard the water turn off, you would simply stop. 
Before any true logic could catch up between your ears, a hand was sneaking below the waistband of your shorts. That hand easily went inside your underwear and found a natural place on your throbbing clit. You dipped down into your wetness (leaking out of you abundantly from how much you had been thinking about Emily) and slicked up the hot button before you began rubbing it in hard circles. You were determined to cum quickly and be done with it. 
You closed your eyes and tiled your head back against the pillow, your mind drifting back to her once again. You couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect she looked in that ruby lipstick. All night, you had felt jealous of the glass when she brought her drink up to her lips. 
You imagined her approaching you at a bar. 
You would be out by yourself, and she would see you from across the room. So entirely confident, she would see you and in a moment, know that she could have you. 
She would come up behind you, whisper sweetly in your ear, telling you how perfect you looked. She would smirk at your initial shyness when you giggled at the compliment. She would tell you that she couldn’t wait to get you home - that she wanted you and she wanted you now. 
So she would pull you into a bathroom, pinning you against a counter. And then she would shove her hand under your dress, only to find that you weren’t wearing any panties, just for her. She would scold you, call you a naughty girl. Her voice so sweet and condescending, only making you wetter. And then she would shove her fingers into your slick cunt and shove her other hand over your mouth, trying in vain to keep your whorish moans from being heard as you begged for her. 
“Emily, please,” You couldn’t stop the faint, needy moan that escaped you as you got lost in the fantasy. 
Of course, so lost in it, that you didn’t hear the shower turning off. 
Your pussy ached, leaking freely into your underwear, and your clit throbbed, emanating a needy pain out through your pelvis. You worked your fingers in more frantic circles, doubling down. Your hips canted up off the bed, knocking the covers off you slightly as dull pleasure radiated out across your hips. 
(Dull compared to what Emily would have given you, you were sure.) 
Even if it was unsatisfactory, you were close. 
“Emily-!” You cried out desperately, right on the edge of orgasm. 
“Hey, do you have some makeup remover I can borrow? I forgot-” 
Shock cascaded through your system and you instantly stilled your movements. This caused your orgasm to become a low hum in your pelvis once again as your eyes shot open in disbelief. 
Your gaze locked onto Emily where she stood in the bathroom doorway. Your insides were still with shock - embarrassment or any other emotion hadn’t even caught up yet. 
Steam ploomed around her and she was forced to hold up the hotel towel with one hand as it couldn’t fully wrap around her body, leaving a sliver of her skin exposed from her armpit to her knee - the curve of her breast, her waist, and her hip on full display. With her hair soaked and her bangs slicked back from her face, and true to what she had said, her makeup still on but slightly smudged from the shower - she looked utterly delicious. 
She was like a pornographic dream, live in front of you. 
You let out a quiet whimper at the sight. 
It was only then that your brain began to unfreeze from the shock, and you realized how truly incriminating you looked. The covers pooled around your thighs, your hand quite visibly inside your shorts, your face contorted with pleasure as your eyes scanned over her half naked body. You rushed to rip your hand out of your underwear - and you realized the sight wasn’t much better as your fingers glistened in the light. 
Emily’s eyes moved from your glistening fingers to your stiff, nervous body, your thighs still parted (as it would be too uncomfortable to clamp them down on your wet underwear and aching cunt). She smirked at you. She looked at you with the same devious, cocky expression that Viper had started out the night with - before she had taken him down notch by notch. 
The look alone caused any apology to be stuck in your throat. You waited for her to speak before you made any moves. 
“What were you thinking about?” She asked, her voice breathy, soft, yet entirely commanding. 
In that moment, caught in the smoldering gate of her eyes, you could find nothing but honesty pounding inside of your chest. 
“You.” You whined quietly. 
Emily chuckled gently. 
Your stomach twisted with embarrassment for the split second that you thought she might be laughing at you. But then you realized that it was, in fact, a sound of satisfaction. 
That realization hit you when she dropped the towel completely. She stood in front of you proudly, showing off all of her naked, wet glory. Her dark nipples pebbling in the air, the damp sheen of water making her skin glow like a dewy goddess. Quite obviously, she wanted you to look.
Your eyes traced a few thick droplets of water as they escaped her hair and ran down her body. You became absolutely mesmerized by the way gravity pulled the water over her collarbones, the teardrop curve of her breasts, the plushness of her stomach, across her pelvis, down her thighs. You imagined yourself tracing over those exact lines with your tongue. 
“Come to me.” 
Her silken voice snapped you out of your trance. Your eyes shot back up to her face once again, and in the sluggish moment that it took the words to get to your brain, she added something onto the command that absolutely knocked the wind out of you. 
“Come on. Come to Mama.” 
Her calling herself that name, so self assured, so certain - the phrase almost had you down on all fours, crawling to her like a dog. 
But instead, you scrambled to get upright and practically ran across the room to her on shaking legs. Entirely eager, you stood in front of her and leaned in to press your mouth against hers. Naturally, you expected that the interaction would start with a kiss. 
But she quickly reached up and stopped you with a hand on the side of your neck. You let out a harsh whimper of disappointment - one that quickly turned into a moan when she pressed her thumb into your windpipe with just enough pressure to make your brain go fuzzy. 
She was showing you who was in charge. 
“Not so fast,” She told you, her breath cascading against your lips now. 
Although she was completely naked and you were clothed, it was very apparent that she was the one in complete control. 
“Tell me how badly you want it.” She ordered, her voice low and almost gentle - a soft domineering that caused the hairs on your arms to stand up straight. 
“I want it so badly,” You easily replied, your voice intensely needy. “I need it. I need you, Em.” 
Emily reached up with her other hand and - with no warning - harshly gripped your pussy through your underwear and shorts. This caused sharp shocks of arousal to flow through you, making you moan out weakly. It was a dizzying euphoria that had you bucking into her hand. You almost came from that single touch alone. 
“Needy little thing.” She purred. “I am gonna have so much fun with you.” 
This was her last verbal sentiment before she pulled you forward by that hand on your neck and silenced any further moans with a bruising kiss.
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coochellati · 5 months ago
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My dear, I always look forward to your Bruno posts! Within your canon, could you maybe do some headcanons about some kinks the capo has? I can totally see him being ashamed of some of the stuff he might be into
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AWE thank you!! I appreciate your kind words so much 💕 and HELL yes!!! This is such a fun question!! I’m so excited you asked this, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts 😭💕
Also, I fully agree with you—there are definitely some things he's into that he feels ashamed about, mostly regarding his submissive desires. (I believe he can become more comfortable with them over time with his partner's help.)
I discussed this topic with Maggie, so I want to give her a shout-out! (@phosphor-escent / @cornerfortherats) Go check her out, she’s awesome 🩷 (and she’s a fantastic person to hold a deep conversation about Bruno with.)
Alright, let's get into it!!!
Length: 1.5k words
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Dom/Sub Dynamic
Most of Bruno's kinks stem from his main one, which is his affinity for a dom/sub relationship in the bedroom. (Specifically, the power imbalance that comes from such a dynamic.) Bruno is a powerful individual--he holds much authority as a Capo or the Underboss of Passione (like he is in my post-GW headcanon.) He enjoys exerting this power in the bedroom, taking pleasure in the control he has over you.
However, Bruno's job also puts him in a position where he rarely gets a break from being in command. Because of this, he isn't just a dom--he also finds it exhilarating to relinquish his authority and take on a submissive role.
One of the reasons a power dynamic turns him on so much is because of the deep trust required between both partners for it to happen. There's nothing more intimate than being able to fully trust your partner, and the fact that you're allowing yourself to be put into such vulnerable positions demonstrates the deep trust between you. (And the same goes for Bruno when he's in the submissive role.)
Now that I've established that I believe he is a switch, we can get to the kink list. For each kink, I will specify the context in which he enjoys it. (Domming, subbing, or both?)
Orgasm Control
He enjoys the use of orgasm control when domming and subbing, with an emphasis on edging and denial.
When domming, he loves watching your reactions to what he's doing and seeing how desperate you become for him. It's the fact that you want him and that he's the one giving you that pleasure that gets him. It's no wonder (he kind) of power trips off of it.
When on the receiving end, part of what excites him is the unexpected nature of it. He has no idea when you'll let him cum or deny him pleasure, which keeps him on edge--literally and figuratively.
Overstimulation
Becoming overwhelmed/overwhelming someone with stimulation is something he finds particularly hot. He'll crumble apart into a mess when you do it to him.
Discipline
Bruno enjoys this kink in the context of both roles. He can be particularly evil as a dom, and one way he enjoys disciplining you involves using orgasm control as a form of punishment. Playing games that hinge on his lie-detecting ability excites him--if you get caught lying, he punishes you. ;)
Being punished is something he enjoys as well--being "put in his place" reminds him of the power imbalance at hand. He especially enjoys being spanked, flogged, overestimulated, edged, and denied.
Bondage
He loves bondage in any context, and it just so happens that his stand ability is perfect for this kink. Bruno can get extremely creative using Sticky Fingers--for instance, he can use his zippers to attach your body to something, attach your body parts together, completely zip you apart, etc., etc. (I am very passionate about this topic, and have written about it extensively.)
This next thing doesn't exactly fall under the bondage umbrella, but when you're restrained, he may decide to use his cock on you as a dildo, having Sticky Fingers detach it from his body.
Being restrained is fun for him, too, and the power loss that comes with it excites him. There is, however, a slight issue: if you're using normal methods to restrain him, Bruno can escape at any time with Sticky Fingers. This can make the task of creating immersion more difficult--if you don't have any way to keep him from using his ability, there's a good chance he'll eventually break out on his own accord and flip the switch. He's too much of a weasel to let you get away with domming him for so long.
If you're somehow able to keep him from using his ability, (perhaps you're a stand user yourself,) it would increase his arousal tenfold--knowing he can't escape no matter what adds a nerve-wracking, salacious thrill. (He's nervous because he generally doesn't like it when he has no control over his situation. It's hot in a sexual context, though.)
If he stays restrained until the end, (or decides to be good and plays along,) he may turn on you as soon as he's set free. He's not going to let you get away with what you've done to him. ;)
Praise
He loves praise in both contexts, especially when he's on the receiving end. Being told, "I'm proud of you," isn't something he hears very often, (especially not from the people he's associated with,) so when he hears he's doing well in the bedroom, he feels like he's walking on air. Maggie stated that she likes to imagine that there would be a 50/50 chance that if you praised him during his first time, he’d finish early.
I agree with this statement.
Biting
Do you know what cute aggression is? According to Wikipedia, it's "the urge to squeeze or bite things perceived as being cute without the desire to cause any harm." In other words, it's that feeling you get when you see something so cute you want to squeeze it. Bruno can't help but feel this way toward you at times. (He only really acts on it in the bedroom.) It's worth noting that his bites aren't too painful; they're just strong enough to leave a small mark that fades within a day or so.
He's not into receiving bites--he doesn’t want to have to explain to people in the workplace why he has them.
Hair Pulling
For Bruno, pain (in small doses) heightens the pleasure and makes the experience more enjoyable. As long as you're not yanking his hair from his scalp, he's enjoying it. He also makes a point to be delicate with your scalp because of this.
Latex and Lace
Do I need to explain this one?
Kidding aside, nothing turns on Bruno more than seeing you adorned in lacey garments or a tight, latex bodysuit that hugs your body in all the right places. Need a way to get him hard quickly? Wear something sexy. ;)
Here's the best part: not only does he enjoy seeing you all dressed up, but he also loves dressing up himself. (OF COURSE!! He's already got that lacey one-piece he wears every day.) His confidence soars in garments like latex and lace--nothing makes him feel sexier. (Can you imagine Bruno in a latex bodysuit? Jesus Christ almighty, I would die on the spot. OH my god, the bulge. )
Giving Massages
Given that he loves focusing on you, Bruno would happily lather you in body oil/lotion and massage your entire body. The poor guy would be rock-hard after doing this. (Of course, he'd also be rock-hard if you gave him a full body massage--even more so if you threw in a happy ending. ;))
Pegging
Bruno's into being pegged, but he feels a bit of disgust himself for thinking that it's hot.
Part of the reason he wants to try it is because of the submissive aspect. When you have "control" over him, you don't usually truly have total control since he could easily take it back from you. (Unless you have a way to prevent him from using his ability—thank you, Sticky Fingers.) However, it isn't as easy to get away from being pegged, and part of that makes him a tiny bit nervous to try it, given that he doesn't usually like it when he has no control over a situation.
However, his more prominent hang-up is the fact that he hasn't had someone tell him it's okay to have these sexual thoughts, and he feels conflicted about his desire to try what he lies. Of course, he believes people can do what they want with their bodies, but he feels like he needs to hold himself to a different standard.
Also, his disgust towards pegging has nothing to do with him being a man and taking something up the ass--it's more so because it's his ass... he's a hygienic man, and it feels wrong.
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I don’t know if these next ones fall under a kink, but here are a few other things I believe he’s into:
Tasting you
Bruno loves dragging his tongue across your skin--tasting your arousal through your sweat (or arousal fluids) is one of his biggest turn-ons. (Come on, he tastes sweat as a part of his job. Of course, he's going to be into this. And let me clarify something: licking others in general to run his lie-detection test isn't something he's into--I’m specifically talking about being into tasting the arousal of his partner.)
A fun game he makes out of this involves his lie-detecting ability--he'll ask embarrassing things that would be hard to answer truthfully, and if you get caught lying, you get disciplined. ;)
ORAL!!!!!
Bruno is extremely into oral and especially loves receiving blowjobs--he never lasts long at the sight of your pretty mouth around his cock. He also loves giving but feels guilty that he enjoys receiving slightly more.
He also loves the sensation of getting his fingers sucked on--it gives you a chance to show off what you can do ;)
Mutual Masturbation Phone Sex
He especially enjoys it when he has control over your masturbation, such as telling you how to touch yourself and when. It's having that control over you that really gets him.
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And that’s my comprehensive list of his kinks!!! There may be some stuff I've missed, so I'm curious what you guys think! Anything else he’s into?
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irenadel · 8 months ago
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Pygmalion.
Chapter 4. She rose to his requirement, dropped the playthings of her life.
This chapter gutted me so once more, no beta we die like suicidal teenagers, set after the fateful murder/suicide of “The Only Man In The Sky" The slow burn up and turned the fuck on. We have smut, I repeat we have smut. It's not the smut we need maybe, but it's the smut I deserve. Homelander still needs a friend tho.
Chapter 1. That she, dear she, might take some pleasure of my pain Chapter 2. We sat grown quiet at the name of love Chapter 3. He touched me, so I live to know that such a day, permitted so
He knew you could feel your phone vibrating (the newest, most expensive thing you owned since a harried Vought assistant had delivered it to your door), both because he could hear your heart speeding up in anticipation and because, through the flimsy barrier of your store’s concrete roof and thin ceiling tiles, he could see your hand fly to your back pocket. He was also able to catch a glimpse of the brief pull of your exasperated smile.
He needs you to stop fucking smiling and hurry it up, he thinks almost fondly.
Unfortunately, that quick grin costs you. Whatever goddamn idiot you are trying to service seems to think you are laughing at him (you should, he thinks, rolling his eyes, bored already) and that sets your customer off. And for a second, Homelander is almost pleased by that cocksucker screaming at you. It serves you right. Because you’ve been WASTING your time (his time) and kindness (HIS kindness, HIS rightful property) on the fucking undeserving mud. He’s had to hear you speak to this pathetic, daft old man in the same cheerful, soothing voice you use for HIM. You’ve been smiling at this idiot with that stupid, sickly-sweet (wonderful) smile of yours (his! his by right!) and he, for one, is fucking fed up with it.
It catches him off-guard when you start to cry. The anger comes first, surprising in its suddenness because he’s become so unused to anger when you’re around. But goddamn it, you cry so easily! It’s frankly embarrassing. He feels it hot and indignant and nauseous in the pit of his belly, like he imagines being sick must be like. Cannot decide who this anger is for: you, your stupid job or that idiot trying to apologize. He wants to break something about this, he is going to BREAK that asshole as soon as you stop your sniveling—
“Hey!” Your manager (insignificant, pathetic and completely outside of Homelander’s scope of possibilities) steps in between you and the half-irate, half-apologetic customer (“I was just telling her I didn’t need a fucking online profile! She doesn’t have to get so fucking worked up!”). His authority is immediate and definite and Homelander feels the alien white-hot burn of envy. “You can leave, sir. Customers who speak like that to my people are not welcome here. Goodbye.”
He hugs you and calls you something in Spanish that makes Homelander bristle in outrage. Sends you to your overdue lunch and you are so pathetically grateful it makes him ill.
It’s not right. It is, in fact, obscenely wrong. He feels strangely and absurdly robbed and considers flying off to leave you fending for yourself. It would serve you right if he did. You would have certainly earned it, missy—
Except you don’t quite make it to the roof. You stop on the last couple of stairs, settle your stupid little packed lunch and sit down, face hiding between your knees. You don’t cry anymore, Homelander would have known if you did, you just take deep, gulping breaths… 
He feels stupid for a moment… Then he decides he’ll be damned if he lets you rob him of your tears as you had robbed him of your gratitude.
He breaks the roof’s lock and crushes its alarm mechanism before you have time to even turn his way, let alone protest, and takes advantage of your shock (seriously misplaced, you should know better by now) to sweep his cape out of the way and settle theatrically by your side.
“So… what’s for lunch?” He tries, offering you his best camera-worthy grin and you take the bait for a second before bursting into tears again. You’re such a pain, Homelander thinks, pleased as you, at long last, fall into his arms and let him be your hero. What would you do without him?
Probably bore someone else with your little complaints.
It turns out that what’s for lunch is leftover Thai from Lumlum on 49th between 9th and 10th for him and a salad with shredded chicken and (in his opinion) an excess of bell peppers for you. Homelander is equal parts annoyed and flattered by the leftovers, carefully curated from your dinner last night with the only one among your pathetic friends who can actually afford to eat out. It’s not too spicy, I could stand it and I’m shit at spicy curries, you tell him confidently and he relents solely because he enjoys your endless attempts to get him to eat new things.
You’re still weepy, but Homelander is pleased to see that the city sun, his own marvelous self, and the well-worn routine of your lunch hour has finally made you relax enough to fill the empty spaces with your chatter.
You’ve been doing this since you started going back to work full time at the end of your semester. You bring enough lunch for two and he, Homelander, lets you bask in his presence for one glorious hour of your ordinary life. He sees it as a sort of charity work, given how much it perks you up, no doubt massively improving your day.
Sometimes you talk. Well, most of the time. You talk a lot. It was… unsettling, the way you would get him to spill whatever it was that bothered him. He would start with complaints about Ashley and the incompetent board at Vought and then he would be telling you about Stan Edgar, or god forbid, Vogelbaum. (Or at least a version of Vogelbaum… one you could understand.)
You always had something interesting to say.
“… I get it… sometimes you wish they’d done something that left scars then you’d feel like it was real. Like it counted.”
And then he’d be paralyzed with sympathy and longing. Like he’d almost reached something, some important bit of understanding that had eluded him. Like there was a physical thing between you, tying the two of you together. You’d have found a better way to say it.
Today, you sounded more tired than outraged. He did not like the defeat in your voice.
“… it’s not that I want it to stop… it’s just that it grinds you down, and I don’t know if it’ll ever get better… if it’ll ever stop being so hard and I’m so sick of trying.”
Something like alarm bells pulse through his veins and in a panic-stricken moment he grabs for your wrists (leaving bruises you will later ignore, because by now you have ignored every other warning sign), holds you away from him like you could burn him (hurt him, by means he has only just begun to understand). You don’t seem to grasp the depths of it, just a bare glimpse of the animal fear that had gripped him for a second, and try, immediately, to diffuse it as best as you can.
“Jesus don’t look at me like that, I don’t mean that, I mean… you know?” But there’s that tired look of defeat on you again, like even complaining takes too much effort, as you gesture at your own body (soft, so soft and comfortable in his arms he suddenly wishes he’d had thought to hold you again instead). “Eat right, exercise, work, study, don’t forget to create shit to stay sane… And it feels like none of it truly matters. Like I’m fighting all the time, just fighting against the weight of my own unimportance… my deep, profound smallness… ideas like everyone else, dreams like everyone else, nothing new, nothing relevant… just waves and waves of remembering how fucking unremarkable I truly am…”
He finds it so surprising he laughs at you. Doesn’t even let you process the hurt before he’s barreling on.
“You’re such a silly goose! Of course you feel like that!” And he’s become so used to the comfort of your understanding and lack of judgment that he doesn’t even think to cushion the blow. “You’re all just so insignificant. Just mud really. It’s so hard to find any of you that matter.”
And he’s not looking at your face, because he’s too busy looking at his hands on your arms and wondering how the soft give of your flesh would feel without his gloves. He’s not thinking of your face, or the bitter grimace of betrayal in it, and that is what saves you both, that there is no premeditation to what he says to you next. It comes out raw and true.
“But you matter. You matter to me. That makes you more important than anyone else.”
***
“Please tell me that you’re fucking him,” your roommate says wheeling her chair into the elevator, finally, at long last repaired and miraculously functional for the last couple of weeks. Management seemed to have gotten competent at something. “Sex makes it normal. Sex is nuts and still pretty dumb but understandable at least!”
You walk in behind her and spend the rest of the way to your apartment trying to explain how it isn’t like that with you and Homelander. You’re friends. You have lunch together every day because it’s nice. You talk about your life and his idiot politics because it’s fun to rile him up. You’ve shown him your drawings cause he asked (cause he’s the first guy in a long time who has shown any interest in them, watched you watercolor intently while he rambles on about himself and whatever petty drama is going on in the Seven, winced when you use too much pigment and clicked his tongue in surprise when you recover by using tissue paper, like it’s a soccer match or something).
Not like that at all… but somehow so much better.
You throw your stuff on your ratty old couch and turn on American Hero both because your roommate likes it and because if you don’t, Homelander will be sulking about it the whole week. God knows how long you spent coaching his atrocious Spanish accent and you intend to spend even more time making fun of his bad attempt to welcome Supersonic into the Seven. (Try not to think about his promise to you. Try not to make it personal and sappy and meaningful that his stupid Mexican ass in his stupid Puerto Rican costume got chosen.)
“God, wish they’d let Queen Maeve host American Hero at some point. She’d be killer at it… You know,” your roommate says from the kitchen while she’s making popcorn. “Sex would be better than you being friendzoned by fucking Homelander.”
“That’s not what—”
“Oh come on! Even you’ve got to be wondering when he’s officially gonna ask you out!”
You say nothing because you’ve got nothing to say. Because you’ve wondered about it and you hate that you have. And you also know how unfair it is. Because his ex-girlfriend (the fucking nazi) just killed herself a few weeks ago. And he was here having a panic attack about it. Because you’re not sure you want it yourself. He still scares you sometimes and you don’t know if that’s the kind of thing you could live with. He’s hurt you before… it gets easy to forget but somehow you haven’t quite managed to. Sometimes he will tell you something that makes you google whether you’re a mandatory reporter in the state of New York. Sometimes he will tell you something that makes your heart ache for him, your alarm bell blair, makes you want to ask him are you happy? Do you want to live like this? You don’t have to… But that’s not the sort of thing a girl who just met him can ask. Especially a girl who is still unsure of what you are to each other or whether she can be anything to him at all.
After all, watching Starlight on TV, blonde and perfect, you wonder how she can stand the terror of being looked at all the time. And that’s what him asking you out would mean. Being looked at all the goddamn time. And no matter how much weight you lose or how many times you go to work or university in roller skates instead of taking the bus, how many YWCA yoga classes you take… you know you’re not the kind of girl people like to look at all the time. Beautiful, angry men who fall out of the sky don’t date frizzy-haired, over-educated, pudgy nobodies. And if they do, people tend not to like it.
Still, he said you mattered. He said it with no hesitation. He meant it.
“I think… we’re taking it slow,” you admit to your roommate and to yourself as you take the bowl of popcorn from her. She looks surprised for a second and then smiles at you and you find yourself smiling back as you settle down to watch the end.
“I get it but,” she says in mock exasperation. “It’s glacial and I want my Queen Maeve VIP passes now.”
You both burst out laughing so hard that you almost miss it. His shit-eating grin that you can never admit you love so much. His dumb red gloved hand that you’ve held in your own before, sneaking around Starlight’s shoulder. She’s my girl now. Come again, you want to ask. Because you don’t quite understand. Because you must have heard wrong. Can’t keep it a secret anymore.
In love.
Your roommate stares at you and it’s not the almost immediate fury and shout of fucking Homelight my ass! that gets you. It’s not the immediate speculation from the voice over, or Homelander kissing Starlight on the lips while your roommate screams motherfucker! at the screen. All of that you could have withstood, maybe not with grace or civility but at least without falling apart. But it’s that brief yet still too long moment of utter pity on your roommate’s face when she looks at you, that makes you stand up without a word and lock yourself in your room, while she knocks on your door and says things you don’t understand about you being a thousand times better than him. Being well rid of him. Fuck him. You’ll be fine
I used to think love could give me significance, back when I dated, you had told him once and he had made a face like he’d swallowed a lemon and told you unequivocally, what bullshit that was. Love does nothing. Love fixes nothing. You either matter or you don’t. You’re important or you’re a nobody.
And yet, it seemed just a few short days ago he’d said you mattered. Homelander had looked directly at you, no trace of guile in his stupid face, just fond exasperation. As if you had been silly to ask, silly to doubt it for a second. You matter to me.
Not enough. Apparently not enough.
***
He should’ve known it from the very first shitty excuse. He’d been focusing on the important things, hadn’t had time for whatever fucking bullshit had made you start acting so weird. He just didn’t have any time for this. He’d needed you there for him through this difficult time and suddenly you were…
Gone. Unavailable. Busy.
First it had been ridiculous errands that couldn’t have been important in any way. He’d gotten Ashley to install fucking washing machines in your building and left a Vought credit card with you in spite of your fucking tiresome protests because he was sick of you being at the goddamn library consulting books you could just fucking buy, wasting your time talking to god knows who, stupid excuses like you were drawing at the library with friends. Who fucking goes to the library to draw? (And who the fuck would go hang out with friends when they had Homelander as an option?)
Then, it was missing lunch at work. Lots of customers. Something about summer and people having more time to browse while shopping and needing to make more sales because you were saving up for the semester.
He’d put his foot down with that. He’d fucking had enough. Because you’d said it without looking at him, your pulse racing, your palms sweating and he had known, known instantly that you were lying. Like everyone lied to him. Struggled to hide the hurt it caused him and cornered you in the back of the store instead, slammed his hand right besides your face making the concrete crack and told you (because he could, because he should, because what he had said to Starlight had been true, if all he could have from you was fear then fear it would be) that you could figure it out with that fucking asshole manager of yours or he would figure it out for you.
And his stomach burned when he’d seen you fight to hold back tears while you nodded stupidly at him. Because you hadn’t held back tears in front of him in ages. Because he’d suddenly wanted to grab you and shake you until you’d cry and let him hold you through it the way it was supposed to work.
You never missed lunch again.
And suddenly it’s not enough. Because you’re not there. You look out into the sky when you should be looking at him. You sound distracted and irritable when you should be fucking glad. You were always so fucking glad to see him. And he wants to toss you aside, fine by him if you want to be like this. You can rot for all he cares.
Except your silences taste like tears. Like the moist, fragile quality of your brown eyes looking at him when you think he doesn’t notice. It’s nothing like the acrid taste of Madelyn’s nervous deception, or the adrenaline spiked rush of Stormfront’s passionate delusions. It’s sharp and bitter and full of sleepless nights.
He knows because he’s gone to your room when you are not there. To catch the smell of the sour-sweet cortisol of your insomnia. Had considered breaking your things in a rage, uprooting your plants, throwing your books into the harbor. (Can’t bring himself to lay hands on you again and this would be the next best thing) But all he manages is to lose himself in the telltale aroma of salt on your pillows. Where you’d laid together. Where you’d said he was your hero. He doesn’t know what the fuck is wrong with you. Suspects it’s these friends you keep having to see, their offensive scent all over your unmade bed. Confusing and alien, too many fucking people in your life that have no business taking up what should be HIS time. Sometimes your goddamn roommate, sometimes some unknown man, or a girl, caked cheap makeup and peroxide and hair spray. Not your smell, oatmeal soap and clean sweat…
He burrows into the pillows and thinks of tearing your sheets to pieces. Would serve you right. He should incinerate the whole bed and everything in it and—
Oh. Oh.
He pushes himself off the bed like it burns him, because he hadn’t expected this, has no framework to place it in. It doesn’t belong here, with you. Because underneath all the extraneous scents, and the other more familiar ones, the dust, the damp earth of your plants and the parchmenty sharpness of your books, there’s the thick, tangy smell of your sex. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I mean you’re a red-blooded Ame— woman. It’s only natural you should— He shifts uncomfortably on your bed, over-conscious of the knowledge that you’d rubbed one out in the same bed where you sometimes lay down to watch a movie (one of his movies) with him.
He doesn’t move towards it, not really. Just lays back down on your bed and breathes deeply. He tries to think of nothing, indulging in not even the slightest movement. Almost smiles before the intrusion of the sudden, furious thought that your fun might have been not entirely solitary makes him clench his fists so hard the leather of his gloves creaks ominously. You fucking invite so many fucking assholes to this bed it might be hiding in the smell of one of them. (It would explain it, would clear up everything, a reason for your distance that would be simple to fix) He should put a stop to it. No more friends. No more library. No more conversational French meetups. No more Central Park or roller skating to occupy your time. Just your job. Just the important part. Just him.
And he is suddenly, surprisingly, furiously hard, still breathing deeply of you. Cheap shampoo, corner-store deodorant, cotton panties and thick, potent female arousal… but no bitter scent of male cum anywhere in the cacophony of your bed’s smells.
Not yet anyway.
You must have been thinking about him when you did this. Of course. Of course. Your crush was painfully transparent, even if he hadn’t had the telltale spike of your heartbeat every time you saw him. So stupid of you. So silly and earnest, to want the impossible fantasy of your hero. He was almost sorry for you, because it must have been so difficult to see him day in and day out, not knowing what to say or do, wanting him…
And he finds himself facedown on your unmade bed, hands grabbing handfuls of your sheets, because it’s either that or touch himself, and he will be damned if he capitulates in this, like he’s done with everything else around you. He’s so hard it hurts. Erection sandwiched painfully between his body and the soft give of your mattress. A sudden, crystal clear image pops up in his head: your soft, thick thighs and one of your sweet little hands between them. And he’s grinding against the bed, almost without meaning too, almost without permission from his brain, because his face is shoved against what had been the wet spot of your bed and he holds his jaw shut so tightly it’s nearly painful, lest he be tempted to sneak a taste.
The smell is enough, more than enough, as he lets his hips go, imagining you whispering Homelander, Homelander against your bed. You’d sob like he’d heard you sob before, maybe cry a little, but happily this time. Ecstatic transported like that day at the lake. You, soaked in his arms, soaked in more ways than one, smiling at him.
He’s cumming, long and drawn out, with each snap of his hips against your mattress, pounding against it, eyes scrunched shut as if in pain, barely a gasp behind clenched teeth, erection pressed so hard against the bed it almost hurts. He’ll think about it later. It’s enough for the moment, enough to dissipate it all.
He very nearly forgives you.
He’s still laying on your bed when you come back home, still breathing heavily, head blissfully blank, the squelching mess of his own cum inside his suit making him feel so dirty and ashamed he’s already beginning to sport a brand new stiffy. He should’ve heard you come in all the way from the elevator landing. He had, if he was honest with himself. But had also found himself stuck in defiant paralysis, half of him ready to bolt, half of him willing to be caught sprawled on your bed, hand shoved down his pants, just to make you responsible for whatever this was. There was something terribly appealing about you, inattentive, absentee traitor that you were, having to get home and watch him jerk off where you had. Not being able to look away. Not being able to lie about it. Not being able to leave him.
But he does neither.
And when he hears you open your bedroom’s door and call to someone behind you “I’ll be right there! Let me just leave my things!” he is immediately overcome by a raging irritation that does nothing to alleviate the embarrassment of his still lingering arousal. Some fucking library you had to go to! The fucking sort of library that answers “Sure!” in a sweet baritone…
Two things register first. You’re wearing the Homelander branded varsity jacket he got you and your hair is green. Not even fucking blue or red, fucking deep emerald green, clashing gloriously with the colors on your jacket, freshly dyed apparently, lovingly curled for once instead of your usual frizzy mess. He hates it on sight. Hates it because you did not consult him on it. Because you hadn’t thought about him at all when deciding to do something so stupid looking. You had probably been thinking about whoever was on the other side of your ratty, disgusting apartment. Oh he’s going to let him and you know. Oh you’ve gotten yourself in so much trouble…
Except you also look so miserable and exhausted he could swear you’re about to drop.
“… hey,” you say uncertainly. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
He doesn’t want to think of this, of the fluttering of your tired pulse, and the dryness of your tightly-held lips. He refuses to feel sorry for you. You should be the one begging his forgiveness.
“Weeeell,” he barrels on with a strained, too-wide smile. “You did fucking tell me to drop whenever. Maybe you shoulda thought to put a schedule to that, huh? Maybe when you’re not entertaining. Who’s your fucking friend?”
He hates that you step back. He hates that you don’t even look scared, not really. He smells the tears before they drop from your eyes, before you hang your head in unbearable pain, holding your own sweet arms to your stomach like that can keep your insides from spilling out.
“I can’t. I can’t do it anymore. Please leave.”
And that does hit him like a gut punch, like the physical blow he has never experienced. He reaches for the comforting rage and finds nothing but gaping emptiness. Because nothing you say or do ever sounds right to him. You never give him the right cue cards, the well known scripts… you never let him do what he knows. Homelander may have expected rejection but not this open, wounded mourning. Not you grabbing hold of a wall to lower yourself on the floor while you can’t stop looking at him like he’s the one that has dismissed you. Like you can’t stand to tear your eyes off him now that he’s here.
Fuck you. And your easy tears. And that look of betrayal that should have belonged to him.
“You? YOU?! You can’t do THIS anymore?! And what is THIS exactly, missy? Huh? What kind of fucking performing monkey do you think I am to you? Think that you can have me here whenever you want and out the door when it’s not to your fucking convenience? Oh no, no you don’t. You don’t get to tell me when to fucking go–”
And it takes the bottom out from under him when you choke back “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Because your pulse is racing and you are afraid. He can see it in the tension of your shoulders and every time you flinch when he shouts. But when you bury your face in your hands, it’s more of those awful, gulping tears and more I’m sorries that he somehow believes you mean.
“I can’t be your friend anymore. I just can’t.”
He had not known this would hurt as it did. He thought he’d known the worst of it when Ryan had walked away from him. When Stormfront had left him when he most needed her. When Madelyn had lied to him. He didn’t know how the truth could hurt so much worse. The truth that all the others had neglected to speak to him, at least you have the guts to say it to his face. He’d always thought he’d have enough pride to face it head on, hadn’t known he would have to bite back bile and the thin, reedy pleading boy he somehow still harbored inside him. Please. I’ll be better. I’ll be good. Please don’t do this.
“I can’t stand it…” You get formal when you’re in pain, like you forget the casual ease of your adopted language and country. Like you want as much distance between the two of you. “I can’t stand looking at you. I’ve tried… I’ve tried so hard…”
And he’s the one who can’t look at you, nauseous and adrift, hands almost curling into fists, almost reaching for your shoulders so he can shake some sense into you, so he can tear you in two before he lets you keep hurting him like this. And he does, he does grab a handful of each fleshy shoulder, fights his own grimace of pain and the part of himself that has every right to demand he bang your head against your bedroom wall until you’ll stop talking, stop leaving, just stop.
You don’t know. He wants so badly to tell you, to show you how close to destruction you are, how little you matter, how easy you would be to snuff out. But whatever it is that is going through your silly little head, it makes you reach back to him, touch his face once and then recoil like he could burn you (he can and he will), like he disgusts you, like he—
“I can’t stand having to look at you and not have you. Please leave. I can’t be your friend when I feel like this about you.”
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How to make Aiura and Saiki not soulmates.
I like both Saiteru and Saiura a lot as ships, but Saiki x Teruhashi is definitely pushed by the series a lot more towards the end. Despite this, if someone wants to make a fic/doujin where Saiki and Teruhashi get together, there's the obvious problem of what to do with Aiura: not only is she a romantic rival throughout the series, but she's introduced as being soulmates with Saiki, and her predictions are never* wrong. If you want to stay canon-compliant, you need to come up with an explanation for why them being soulmates isn't getting in the way of Saiki and Teruhashi being together.
Here are some options I've seen and have thought of:
Ignore it. Don't consider Aiura and Saiki being soulmates an aspect of their relationship that needs to be brought up. Maybe don't have Aiura show up at all! This also allows the reader to headcanon any of the below as what happened, although that's a bit stupid.
They're platonic soulmates! Soulmates have only been mentioned in a romantic context throughout the series, but maybe it's really that they're super close friends or whatever!! This can be cute, but it also comes with the expectation that they're going to be shown off doing platonic soulmatey stuff (like ever interacting), and a lot of fics don't really... do that.......
They're still romantic soulmates, but you can be with someone who isn't your soulmate. You can play it as a nice thing, about how you don't necessarily need to force yourself to conform to the whims of fate and can find your own happiness, or as a sad thing, where Saiki, Aiura, and Teruhashi aren't with their true loves. The latter works a bit less well if you want to portray Saiki and Teruhashi positively, but you can also have it be angst purely for Aiura.
Soulmates aren't a permanent thing. You can be soulmates with someone at one point in your life and then lose that connection later on, somehow. This goes against the cultural zeitgeist's perception of "soulmate" but (iirc) isn't explicitly not canon, although it does retroactively make Aiura seem... kind of reckless and weird? But she's already a bit reckless and weird, and she probably isn't a focus of characterization in a Saiki and Teruhashi story.
Aiura was wrong. Sure, her predictions are never* wrong, but maybe she just... was, somehow? This can be played for angst but also as a quick joke that leaves Saiki and Teruhashi room to be soulmates, and is also a way to get Aiura out of the narrative quickly if you don't want her there much but still want to have her show up.
*Aiura can be wrong under specific circumstances. I say she's never wrong, but her predictions of disaster can be mitigated if one takes action to prevent them, implying that her predictions can be made wrong if someone has the knowledge of them beforehand. This opens the door to a really interesting possibility: Aiura and Saiki would have been soulmates, but the fact that she tracked down Saiki specifically because of this caused them to meet much earlier than they should have, and butterfly effected them out of being soulmates. This is super cool to me, but it does force a specific interpretation of Aiura's prediction that they're soulmates (that it's a vision of the future and not an inherent property the people hold), and also requires a lot of explanation about Aiura's powers, which might not be what an author wants for a Saiki x Teruhashi story. But I'd love to see it explored more in something focused on Aiura!
Aiura was completely right, and the common interpretation of soulmates is completely right as well, and Saiki and Teruhashi are gonna break up. If you're the kind of person who's okay with relationships ending at some point in the future and still cares about the present, this can be a cute/melancholic view, where Saiki and Teruhashi are in a relationship doomed to end (and Saiki might even know about it), but they don't care and just want to enjoy it. If you're not that kind of person, this is really easy angst potential. You can also make Aiura believe that this is the case, that they'll break up soon, and have that be a sad part of her character for most of the above options.
I can't believe I forgot this. Polyamory. Easy.
Cheating?? idfk
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seventeenreasonswhy · 4 months ago
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SVT as CEOs 👔
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18+ / SFW
OT13!Seventeen x Fem!Reader
How Seventeen would react to their S/O suggesting they role play as the CEO!
Content/Warnings: Somewhat suggestive but no hardcore smut, CEO!Roleplaying, implied dom/sub dynamics (if you squint).
A/N: This is just what goes through my silly little head. Enjoy! (not proofread, sorry!)
s.coups – He loves the way you look in a suit set! You’re so beautiful and the modesty of the clothing combined with knowing that he’s going to fuck you senseless really turns him on! He would be having almost too good of a time, haha. I feel like he would break character sometimes! He’s just so enamored by you! He gets giggly, okay!
joenghan – dear lord. born for this role, haha. he would get so into it. he would be so mean to you!! and you would eat it up!! he would do some very sexy power play like making you strip off one piece of clothing for every mistake he finds (there are many of them!) on your report, watching you like a hawk as you reveal more and more of yourself. he would want this to be a regular feature of your sex life together.
Joshua – flirty ceo! stylish ceo! buys-you-lots-of-expensive-lingerie ceo! knowing that you’re wearing filthy, pretty lingerie that he bought for you under your work clothes is a huge turn on for him. He would def call you into his ‘office’ to ‘discipline’ you.
jun – fits the ceo role well. He’s a more unpredictable boss, and he’d get off on giving you the cold shoulder every now and again just to make you flustered and panicky. he likes when you bring him some papers to sign and then linger bashfully to ask if you did anything wrong. he looooves to make you feel a little degraded/humiliated, like ‘the only way you’re going to move up is by using that mouth’ kind of stuff. You both have fun with these characters!
hoshi – haha, he would definitely want to get into this but he’s too baby lmao. he looks so good in a suit tho!! you develop characters that are a little bit more flexible – making you the pursuer of the boss and letting him try to “keep it professional” (he fails! lol). he’s obsessed with you in a blazer, with your hair up and high heels on – he thinks you look so sexy and in command.
wonwoo – ooo, this would be fun for him. He would be lowkey about it, but he would really enjoy it. He likes being your ‘boss.’ Like, a lot. Not only are you wearing stylish and fitted office wear, you’re being so demure and deferential to him, which really turns him on. He would want to draw out the roleplay, making it a slow burn over many sessions together. He likes when you try really hard to hide your flustered reactions to his scandalous flirting/teasing. Smirk never leaves his face during these play times.
woozi – born! to! be! a! C!E!O! he’d get intimidating with it. he would find excuses to slam things on your desk and demand better from you. he would require you to call him “sir” or “Mr. Lee” at all times. he would also like it if you snap back at him just one time so that he can enjoy disciplining you. totally a keeps-a-paddle-under-the-desk type lol.
the8 – hard to read CEO! would like keeping you on your toes with his mysterious and alluring vibe. he would never yell at you, but he would occasionally say something harsh that kinda snaps you to attention/makes you excited. you would pursue him a bit, too, which he would enjoy. he gets turned on by the challenge of remaining the calm and collected one while desiring to overpower you.
mingyu – he would look so good in a suit, but puppy is not ready to be bossy to his baby! he thinks you look so sexy in your tight skirt and matching blazer, and high heels are a... problem for him. he wouldn’t be able to keep up the act, he would just want to tear your clothes off right then and there lol.
DK – Mr! Lee!!!! very kind boss - he has a quiet kind of authority that is so hot to you. You guys would love this role play. DK loves to act!!! this would be his moment to shine lol! He would be so good at staying in character, even when you get flustered. He would ask you into his office to check something, requiring you to move around to his side of the desk, examining his computer screen. Once he had you that close to him he would tease you by running one finger along the back seam of your pantyhose, making you jump. He would find no end of amusement at your cute reactions while he teased and flirted with you, eventually lifting you up on his desk and fucking you right there.
Seungkwan – can a CEO be bratty? Boo Seungkwan will find a way! He would make all kinds of progressively more annoying and ridiculous requests, always demanding you get him an iced americano and being so rude to you lol. You guys would have fun with this, though—you both understand that part of the tension/relief of the roleplay is that you would eventually snap at him for being so demanding and unreasonable, switching up the power dynamic and progressively escalating things from there until you’re “angry” fucking! (which he loves!)
Vernon – this man keeps it professional!! he is really good at not letting his serious and in-charge façade down. This has the dual benefit of making you frustrated (which he thinks is so cute) and seeing the creative ways that you try to get him to crack. Oops, you dropped a bunch of papers on his floor, guess you have to bend over really suggestively and pick them up. Oops, you made a mistake on an important contract, what is he going to do about it? He would be down to spank you as you get more and more into the roleplay.
dino – lol! he loves this! he’s not the CEO type but he doesn’t care lmao. He just likes being in charge for once in his life. he also finds you straight up distracting sitting at your desk, so focused with your hair pulled back and your blazer draped over the back of your chair, sleeves of your blouse rolled up so they don’t get wrinkled by the edge of your desk. he watches you all the time, he can’t help it! when he tries to be demanding and bossy though it just comes out adorable and you have to suppress your laughter lol.
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chaoticbardlady99 · 1 year ago
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Lethal Woman- Chapter 6 (GN! AFAB! Reader x Astarion) 18+ MDNI
Author note- work has kicked my ass left right and center. I also deleted my draft of this chapter like three separate times until I finally wrote something I loved.
CW- mentions of still birth, mentions of miscarriage, smut, fluff (I think? Any emotional intimacy is fluff to me 💀), mentions of torture, mentions of rape/sexual assault, mentions of physical and emotional abuse, violence. (I think that may be all? Also this all looks not awesome, but I promise it’s a lot more awesome than you think and not Uber grotesque.)
It’s been mostly edited and I definitely have chapter 7 basically done so I’m anticipating being happy with my draft by Sunday. Happy reading! Thank you for everyone who likes my little self indulgent angst fic!!!!
Also- please remember I take creative liberties. A good chunk of the Nightmasks are dead canonically (RIP my guys) but for the purpose of this story, they are alive. Oh and the names are hard so forgive me for the lack of consistent spelling lmao
Chapter 7
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“Ugly, wretched little thing.”
Dahlia’s term of endearment sticks to your brain like- well- an illithid parasite. You are sitting with Karlach and Shadowheart, each of you on your fourth glass of whatever alcohol you could find as the Tieflings jovially celebrate around you. You want to feel the same warmth and happiness everyone else does, but you are too busy trying to ignore the fact that Alfira and Astarion have been talking since the beginning of the party- Alfira immediately walking up to him with her stupid, beautiful face. And her stupid kind heart and pretty voice.
You liked her enough to be her friend, but now? You are struggling not to haul her off by her horns and kick her into the river in the stinking Owlbear den.
Get yourself together Rowan, it was never going to happen anyway.
“Soldier, you might want to stop burning a hole through the Bard with your eyes- Astarion can’t tolerate fire remember?,” Karlach jests and you give her a sour look.
You hadn’t really talked to Astarion since earlier in the day when he had come to your aid when Priestess Gut had a firm grip on your mind, then he fought by your side while you freed Halsin. You had split up after that, him going to help Shadowheart and Karlach and you off to support Wyll and Gale’s group. The fight against Dror Ragozlin and his crew of misfits was easy and Lae’zel evidently enjoyed getting to fight next to you for once. You wanted to enjoy the moment with your companions, your victory just in your grasp, but you had been somewhat distracted during the battle because Minthara’s thoughts had been so Gods damn loud.
You appeared to be the only one experiencing this problem- you assumed that she is specifically targeting you for a reason, but you couldn’t figure out why until she showed you a different image than the fight in front of her.
It was you, standing over a drow female in Menzoberranzan. The alley way is dark with her blood dripping into the cobblestone. You could feel Minthara’s rage- you had killed her lover.
You remember that contract now- It was one of the few you had received where it was required that the target be mutilated and you hated every second of it. Minthara was one of the few people who had ever managed to almost catch you, but you had evaded her successfully. The picture changed, she showed you a flash from Shadowheart’s perspective- it’s you and Astarion, talking in hushed voices and close to each other by the fire. The scene is far more intimate than you realized and certainly incriminating. Her voice boomed in your head.
You killed my lover. Now I’m going to kill yours.
A scream pierced the air as Karlach cried out for Shadowheart. You watched in horror as Shadowheart hit the stone wall hard and dropped flat on her face- unmoving. Karlach was at her side within seconds, trying to get her to wake up. Then Karlach pitched forward after a spell hit her. Karlach was screaming in terror at the top of her lungs and rolling around in pain. You stared at the scene for what felt like hours- rigid and mortified- until Minthara caught your attention again.
Minthara showed Astarion- fighting for his life against her as her blade nicked him and cut him superficially. Thankfully he is a lot faster than her, but your feet were moving before your brain had time to process your actions. Your rage is all consuming- every part of your body feels like it’s on fire.
Between the use of Ghost Step and Spider Crawl, you made quick work of sneaking into the battlefield. You waited for an opening- Minthara and Astarion were neck and neck, blow for blow before Minthara managed to break one of his daggers and slam the hilt of her longsword atop of his head.
Astarion stumbled backwards and fell over on his side. You tried to suppress your own nausea as you watched him struggle to get up as Minthara began menacingly moving towards him. The bloodlust in her thoughts- you could taste it on your tongue. Vengeance is in her reach, but you are not the same you when Tessa died. You will be damned if this bitch of a woman was going to torture two of your closest friends and kill the one person who has made your barely beating, locked away heart a little less heavy to carry.
You cast Evard’s Black Tentacles and manipulated them so that one vine grabbed Minthara’s right hand and ripped it away from the left- her long sword fell to the ground. You picked it up as she screamed profanities at you.
You manipulated another to wrap around her throat and it pulled her down on her knees- she faced the bridge with horror on her face as you stalked towards her with your vampiric stare. You watched as she confronted her own mortality with angry tears- her tadpole hurled profanities at you in Elvish, Drow elvish, and Common. You just smiled at her, sweetly, slowly, like you had perfected for years now.
Minthara’s tears were running down her face and she fought against the tentacles as they squeezed tighter around her throat and wrists.
The next words you had spoken in Elvish- “Say hi to your lover for me”- before you cut her head clean off her shoulders with her own weapon.
You hadn’t looked at Astarion after you had killed Minthara- you were actually too afraid to see the way he may look at you. Would he be repulsed by you? Afraid? You didn’t want to know.
So now, instead, you are stuck watching him flirt with the feminine, beautiful tiefling that you want to go and feed to the resurrected harpies (they aren’t resurrected- yet). You know it isn’t her fault- you just never stood a chance.
“Roo, really, he is barely focusing on her,” Shadowheart says with a roll of her eyes, “he keeps looking over here at you anyway.”
“Oh I’m sure he is after I brutally murdered someone in front of him,” you cross your arms, your tone laced in venom, “yeah that’s a real attractive quality to have- I am capable of brutal MURDER.”
Shadowheart goes to protest, but Karlach beats her to it.
“I don’t know Soldier, he looked pretty dazzled to me.”
You bust up laughing, choking on some of your wine.
“Dazzled, you say?”
“Razzle DAZZLED!” Karlach offers big explosive hands with her statement, “and I mean- he’s into blood so it’s not like you beheading something is all that damning. Maybe he’s really into it.”.
You choke on your wine again, this time it comes out of your nose. You are both dying laughing now, evidently the alcohol had gotten to your heads. It wasn’t because you were making fun of him- it was just the whole idea itself was so ridiculous and the fact that you can nonchalantly talk about beheading a person as an endearing prospect with these two individuals is so bizarre. Shadowheart was laughing despite herself.
Eventually the three of you make your way to the firepit and join Halsin and Gale while they smoke something out of Halsin’s pipe. You ask to try it and it burns your throat as you cough harshly. Halsin laughs hardily and says you’ve passed initiation. Shit, you don’t even remember walking over to the campfire anymore.
Another hour or so passes, Astarion is out of sight and the high has worn off. You feel pleased to see Alfira standing and talking to her friend dejectedly. Maybe he rejected her? You might be a terrible person, but you feel like you already knew that.
You feel overwhelmed all of a sudden by the proximity and warmth of everyone around the fire. You wait for the right moment to remove yourself from the situation- desperately needing a moment of peace and quiet.
If anyone notices you get up, they don’t say anything. You quickly steal another bottle of wine from beside Gale and Halsin and sneak off into the woods.
You crack open the bottle and slowly sip on it as you meander through the woods, finding the secret path to the beach that you have come to adore so much. You had been eyeballing one specific cliff edge ever since you and Astarion had found this place. It wasn’t a massive cliff, but the pool at the bottom of it is deep enough for you to jump into the water without injury. It was something your father used to do with you when you were a child. There was a river that ran outside of your little town and as you moved further into the woods, you could find a waterfall with a deep pool at the bottom. He would teach you flips and different jumps. He had deemed you the world’s finest diver right before he died- cheering you on from the ground below.
You feel warm and melancholy from the memory. Gods you miss your parents.
You drop the bottle of wine and strip down to your underwear and make your way towards the top of the waterfall.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Astarion had finally managed to get Alfira to leave him alone. She is an adorable little creature, but she is not the one on his radar right now. Adorable does not compare to the vision you are- nor the protection you provide.
Astarion had spent the last painstaking hour and a half watching you laugh with quite literally every person in camp who has a crush on you- Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Gale, and even Halsin is fucking smitten now. Gods could you just stop being yourself for five minutes? Astarion needs (and silently wants) your attention to only be on him. It is absolutely crucial to his survival. Speaking of which, where the hells were you?
You were no longer by the fire where he had last seen you before he snuck into Gale’s tent to steal one of the nicer bottles of wine he hoards away from everyone. Astarion had planned on using your shared connection to ask you to meet him at your spot, but now you are nowhere to be found.
Astarion fights the urge to scream out of frustration as he treks through the woods towards the spot on the beach hoping by some miracle that you may already be there.
Astarion stops as your scent hits his nose. He walks around the corner of the rock that you both use as a landmark and freezes when he notices your clothes are sprawled across the ground and a bottle of wine is a third of the way empty. He tries to ignore the ache that is starting to consume his chest. Did you bring someone else here? Shadowheart maybe? You were sitting rather close to her earlier…
Did his three days of stubbornness really just allow you to fall into someone else’s arms?
Astarion’s sinking feeling gets worse when something flashes out of the corner of his eye.
He sneaks around the corner- reminding himself that he is merely just making sure Shadowheart isn’t being… Shadowheart?
Imagine his shock when Astarion doesn’t see Shadowheart at all. Instead, he witnesses you complete a perfect aerial twist before graciously diving into the waves below. He feels completely frozen until you break the water and laugh wildly. Astarion thinks his own heart might start beating from his chest being filled with the sound.
You jump out of the water and race back up to the top of the rock using Spider Crawl- something you had promised to teach him when you found out Cazador had never actually made him privy to the entirety of his capabilities as a spawn.
Astarion grins as he watches you once again go flying into the air, doing a backflip before straightening out, disappearing once again into the water below.
You break the surface and get back onto the shore. You pretend to bow and wave saying “thank you” and “I’ll be here all week.” It’s silly and he’s enjoying every minute of watching you just be yourself.
Astarion knows you aren’t a serious person, not really, but you pretending to bow for an imaginary crowd of adoring fans in a (not) private moment? It feels authentic to your silliness- not just when you and Karlach are joking together.
You are funny, kind, and entirely too cunning- despite what he said three days ago. Your prowess in combat is second to none and you speak a couple different languages- infernal being one of them when he noticed you and Karlach speaking it back and forth like it was also your native tongue.
Elvish is the other one and he only knew that from overhearing what you said to Minthara while he was too busy experiencing shell shock from how quickly you had gotten over to him. Oh and the hit to the head didn’t help either.
Astarion’s thoughts are interrupted when you make eye contact with him and freeze.
You look down at your semi-exposed figure and then up at him.
Astarion flashes you a flirtatious grin and sweeps his eyes up and down your body as you look at him. You are a work of art and the blush that creeps up your neck is an added bonus.
The scars on your body are numerous and varying in degrees of severity. It doesn’t make you any less attractive to him or revolts him by any means; It makes you more real if anything.
“Well hello there, beautiful,” Astarion says melodically as you walk over, “I was hoping I might run into you here.”
“Oh is that so?” you say and put your hands on your hips, teasing him “and to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Astarion smiles widely at you. He holds up the bottle of wine.
“I was hoping I may be able to drink with my most favorite companion at camp,” he looks at you with a sly grin, “but I didn’t think I’d be getting a show. You are delightfully talented in multiple faucets, Darling.”
You smile shyly at him while adorably scrunching your nose.
As you bend down to grab your shirt, you look at your bottle and scratch the back of your head awkwardly.
“I might need to apologize considering I already started without you.”
Not telling me to piss off so that’s an optimistic start.
“Hm,” Astarion hums, cracking open his bottle and taking a drink, “I’ll allow it this once. I suppose I do owe you for my… words the other day.”
“I’ll forgive you,” you say with a mischievous grin, “but for a price.”
“Oh?” Astarion purrs, “and what is your price, my dear.”
“I demand at least half of your spoils in loot.” you say with flourish and over exaggeration- you aren’t even remotely serious.
“No, no, no, “he emphasizes, his finger waving around in the air, “Never. Going. To. Happen.”
“Ugh fine, I guess I’ll just have to accept that you saved my life earlier.”
“I still think you are ahead on that front, but who’s counting really?”
“Definitely not me,” you say and cough a number under your breath.
Astarion playfully glares at you and you giggle in response.
You close the gap between the two of you and gently grab his hand, pulling him to sit down next to you at the edge of the water. Astarion pushes down the giddy feeling that arises- hoping you didn’t notice he flinched when you first went to grab his hand.
You look at Astarion and then your clasped hands- you definitely noticed.
You begin to pull away and he feels his body protest, grabbing your hand back and interlocking them again. Astarion drinks out of his wine, refusing to look at you- this is entirely too intimate. Entirely too much like the lovers he used to hate and envy in Baldur’s Gate, but he can’t bring himself to let go or stop the slight smile that creeps on his lips.
You drink out of your bottle of wine and put your feet in the water. Astarion glances at you and notes the growing grin. He feels a twinge of guilt when he thinks about his plan and how fragile your heart probably is. Astarion pushes it away. Astarion needs his plan to work and so far, it’s working.
The space between the two of you is silent- nothing but the ocean waves roaring in his ears. It’s not uncomfortable, but Astarion doesn’t necessarily know where to start. He wants to begin the process of seducing you, but he’s also unsure of how well that would play out- considering what he’s seen thus far in your memories.
“My dad taught me how to cliff dive,” you say in a melancholic voice, interrupting his thoughts “we would go all the time over the Summer when we lived outside of Daggerford.”
“I was wondering how you had managed to pull off such an impressive feat.”
You guffaw at him and then pout with a glint of humor in your eye. He rolls his eyes at you.
“Fine Darling,” he muses, “I suppose you are rather impressive in all facets.”
Your face is practically burning with his compliment. Astarion has decided he will leave out the bait and let you take it. If you give him any signal or specifically say “I want to have sex” then Astarion will pleasure you and you will see how useful he can be in return for all of your gifts- your blood, your protection.
Your company.
Whatever feelings Astarion felt over the last three days- he never wants to feel again. You have been the one and only person to be kind to him, protect him in 200 years. You treat him with respect and like a friend- not the monster he absolutely is and that you should hate him for being. It had been a very lonely three days without your company-besides, no one else is nearly as fun to converse with. Astarion hears the whisper of a previous conversation in the back of his mind.
“So what does boar taste like?”
“I don’t really have much of a reference, but better than rats and flies,” he scowled.
“Gods, how filthy was that palace?” you murmured under your breath.
Your comment had caught him off guard and he couldn’t help but bark out laughing. You had felt horrible for it- you thought he wouldn’t be able to hear you. In your defense, you had spoken very quietly. Astarion assured you that he found your observation quite peculiar and hilarious.
Astarion likes that you point out the small things and allow him to decide how much of the larger things he wants to tell you. You never push him and Astarion isn’t used to it, but he knows he never wants it to go away- to be treated any other way ever again.
“What else did your father teach you?” Astarion asks softly.
You smile, “My father followed Ilmater. He was a ranger. He dedicated his life to helping others.”
A daughter of Ilmater worshippers turned into a half-dead creature who is forced to kill by an evil vampire, Astarion thinks, I guess even the Gods have a sense of humor.
“What happened to him?”
The pause is pregnant and loud. Astarion notices the single tear that manages to escape your eyes. You clear your throat.
“He’s dead,” you whisper, “a group of Ravagers destroyed our village. They didn’t like that it was a mix of humans and Drows escaping from Lolth- and they especially hated us ‘filthy half breeds’. Made the women and the children watch as they beheaded their fathers and husbands.”
Astarion doesn’t know what to say to something that horrific. He just merely looks at you- waiting for you to continue speaking.
“He just kept telling my mom and I how much he loved us. How he’d always be protecting us,” you manage to choke out, “I can’t even tell you how many times I have prayed to Ilmater for help- only to be reminded how alone I am and that, despite being the God of Compassion, Ilmater doesn’t care.”
Astarion knows that feeling all too intimately, but he wants to hear more.
“How old were you? What happened to you and your mother?”
You are looking at him wearily now, so he gives your hand a squeeze.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to Darling.”
“I want to, I’ve just never talked about it before.”
“Well then,” he states in a flattered tone, “I’m honored to potentially be the first and only keeper of your deep, dark secrets.”
You laugh breathily while you roll your eyes at him. The smile on your face is replaced by an unreadable expression. You take a deep breath before you turn your gaze back to the ocean.
“I was 5. They sold us to a mine outside of Westgate. It was run by a group of fanatics that I can’t even remember the name of anymore,” you shake your head in disgust, “all I knew was that they were terrible people. They threatened us children to get our mothers to do anything they wanted. One of them raped my mother and ‘blessed’ her with a child.”
Astarion squeezes your hand as he feels you tense. You look at him with your teary, angry eyes and the intensity of your emotions- your grief- are written into every crack and crevice of your face. Astarion notes that you look uncomfortable, but he gives you a soft smile, encouraging you to continue. You take a big swig of your wine- he shortly follows.
“I don’t know what happened, but the baby… didn’t make it and mom developed a blood illness. It was the week before she had planned on breaking us out. I didn’t know she was dying- she told me she was going to be okay. I should have known- She gave me everything for the escape and had explained the plan to me so many times in that week she was dying that I can still recite it to this day.”
You chuckle to yourself before pulling your knees up to your chest.
“I asked them if I could have a funeral for her. They took me outside and made me watch while the pigs ate her. They told me that’s the only funeral a Drow deserves.”
“What a bunch of racist assholes,” he states.
“Oh, they were only the biggest.”
“You escaped a prison by yourself then or?”
“I did. I was 9 years old and probably one of the only people who has ever escaped that mine. I haven’t seen anyone from my village since. I went back to Daggerford one time and it was still decimated- no one ever came back to rebuild it.”
You both sit in the heavy silence. Your thumb begins to absentmindedly rub circles along his thumb- the gesture is simple, but it’s probably the softest touch he’s felt in the last 200 years that was not filled with the anticipation of sex.
“I’ve only ever had one failed escape,” you sigh harshly, “I was going to run away with Tessa because I didn’t want to go through the ceremony to be a Deathbringer, but Dahlia didn’t care what I wanted. She was too busy trying to win Obarhk’s favor.”
“How did you end up with Dahlia then? If you didn’t want to be a Deathbringer?”
You scoff and he sees the resentment behind your eyes.
“I was 13 and had been living on the streets for a while by then. I had my little tent and I had managed to convince one of the local inns to let me clean the rooms,” you scrunched up your nose, “it was gross, but decent work and they fed me once a day; let me use the baths. Sometimes they even gave me extra food and if it was cold out, they’d let me stay in a room if there was one available. I didn’t have to steal food anymore which was nice. I was actually very happy. I was saving my money so I could travel to the Underdark and hire a sword to go with me- to my grandparents- like my mom had told me to do.
“Then one day, a few of the other local boys, also urchins, had watched as I was given a decent amount of gold and a burlap sack of food. They followed me to my tent. I had offered to share and to give them some gold to help, but they didn’t want just some of it- they wanted all of it and all of me too. I thought I was going to die- the fight was brutal and they were so much bigger than I was, but I wasn’t as easy to take down as they had thought.
“Right as they had slammed my head into the pavement, right when I thought it was over- an Ilmater Priestess had appeared out of no where. She had killed them all. She came up to me, was kind to me, promised she would protect me, give me a home, teach me how to be stronger than anything else in the dark while she helps me travel to the Underdark. I was thrilled. I thought Ilmater had finally heard all my prayers. Then she took me outside of the city- I thought we were maybe going to a temple. I was so naive and stupid.”
Your voice breaks and you struggle to compose yourself- taking a shaking breath.
“She changed- the kind Ilmater priestess I had just been following to safety ended up being the Queen of Venom and a Sharran priestess nonetheless,” you spit out with disgust, “Dahlia stripped me of my clothes- she beat me, cut into my skin, threw me around. Dahlia kept telling me how ugly, wretched, small, and weak I was for hours- how she would be the only person to ever love me from now on. Then she chained me down to the floor, unmoving for I don’t even know how long in the dark. I just know when she finally came back, I was on the brink of death. She starved me and refused to give me water until I stopped asking her to leave. I stopped, but then I learnt how much worse it could be. I also began to accept that I would probably never be free again.”
“Are you free now?”
“Barely. A bit over a year ago I was assigned to the Faceless himself.”
“What changed?”
“I won the Deathbringer Tournament and Lady Thistle Thalaver, the fucking consort of all people, said that she wanted me to be assigned as her personal Deathbringer. Thistle made the point that we are close in age and it would make her happy to have someone she can talk to and protect her. News flash- I was more horrified by that than Dahlia. How the fuck does someone who is a literal husk of a person become the prize comfort pet of the Consort that is the reason you were even kidnapped to begin with,” you say, throwing your hands up in frustration, “Dahlia hated her. She was envious of her already and boy, when Thistle asked for me? I thought Dahlia might kill me and Thistle right there if Obarhk hadn’t stepped in.”
“She sounds like a sore loser.”
“ Oh she is, this grudge has lasted a little over a century or three supposedly. I can’t ever seem to get the exact date right, but Dahlia had allowed Obarhk to change her and became one of his Nightmasters because she had hoped to be his Queen and consort,” you shake your head, “it was childish- supposedly. Obarhk was going to go through with it initially, but then Thistle’s father had extensive debts to the guild and offered his only daughter as payment.”
“What a shitty father.”
“Oh the shittiest,” you agree pointedly.
“If she wanted you to help her gain his favor, why did she hide you away?”
“There are rules within the Guild for how recruits are to be treated. Obarhk plays with his cards very close to his chest and he has an absurd amount of political pull. He doesn’t want word getting out that the Nightmasks beat their assassin’s and thieves, but not their Deathbringers- it’s bad for recruitment. Guess they used to do that and damn near went extinct, not everyone is into becoming half-vampire” you shrug, “Dahlia had ‘presented’ me to gain Obarhk’s favor- not his consort’s. She lied and said I sought her out days ago, begging to get a chance to become a Deathbringer. When I was asked if it was true, I said yes, the alternative was whatever hell awaited me later. At least if I didn’t survive the ceremony, I would be laid to rest.
“Except Thistle won. Obarhk may not be particularly loving towards Thistle, but he won’t deny her what she wants if it’s reasonable. I was still under Dahlia, but now if I disappeared for days on end or came back beaten, it was noticed. A year ago, Lucia and Ghost found me bleeding out in a street with Dahlia over me- it was the first time she had done serious harm to me since the ceremony and the first time she was caught,” he watches you smile despite yourself, “Thistle wanted her to be tortured for what she had done- for creating the infamous ‘Hollow Deathbringer’ as I was called when I first started, but Obarhk doesn’t interfere with religious affairs and Dahlia claimed it was for her Sharran worship. So the solution was that I would report directly to him, Phultan, Lucia, and Lady Thalaver only. If Dahlia attempts to hurt me again, I am allowed to end her life and if I attempt to attack Dahlia, she is allowed to end my life. She isn’t allowed to send her assassin’s after me either or there will be consequences. That’s the same day I found out Dahlia had been lying to me- she is Obarhk’s spawn, not a Master Vampire. She never would have been able to get away with half of her threats if I had known, but I’m sure that’s partly why she isolated me from the Guild until I was old enough and skilled enough to compete.
“We’ve been in a very strange stalemate over the last year. Unable to find each other, but I don’t even know if I could kill her anyway. At least, not by myself.”
It was a lot to take in at one time. Your entire world is so heavily influenced by vampiric beings- no wonder you were so nonchalant about him being a spawn and him feeding from you.
Astarion will admit though, he isn’t necessarily thrilled to find out another sociopathic vampire might be hunting them- specifically you.
“Darling, if Dahlia ever darkens your door step ever again,” he leans toward you and speaks his next words with conviction, “I’ll rip her throat out myself.”
You smile at him and squeeze his hand.
“ Thank you Star, but you don’t need to do that. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t listen to hypocrites- Miss ‘I’m going to put Cazador’s head on a pike and we can parade it around the city’”
You gasp, “how dare you! I felt like that would be a fun leisure activity.”
“Oh believe me, it will be very fun,” he says with a malicious grin,” but someone needs to keep you humble, my dear.”
“Oh okay,” you roll your eyes, “because I’m the one who needs humbling here. Thank you for your service kind sir, I will never be able to repay you.”
He can tell that you are done with the previous conversation- he’ll have to thank you for sharing later and ask follow up questions. Astarion has a plan to execute.
“Well of course,” he lifts your clasped hands and kisses the back of yours, “ I live to be a hero for the common folk.”
“You’re lucky you’re a beautiful bastard.”
“Why thank you, my Dear. I am rather beautiful, aren’t I?”
You turn, facing him now and you move closer- giving him a light shove. One of your eyebrows is lifted in amusement- a lopsided grin on your face. This is most definitely the moment he has been waiting for.
He leans in, your faces near inches apart and he savors how your heart begins to race.
“I must admit, I was lying to you before,” he muses, “I maybe would like to do a little more than just drink wine with you tonight.”
“Y-you do?”
Astarion smiles at the way your breath hitches.
“Well of course, I believe you may be one of the most bewitching individuals I have ever had the pleasure of meeting,” he says while gently brushing your hair behind your ears, “but only if that would be okay with you.”
You look at him- there is lust in your eyes and you worry your bottom lip with your teeth. One of your canines graze your lip and a bit of your blood begins to paint your lips- Astarion fights the urge to smash his lips to yours. You search his face for deception.
“I want to. Very badly,” you pause, “but I need to be open with you. I’ve only ever been with one man before and it wasn’t my choice. That was over 10 years ago. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go completely through with it or give you some wildly fun time… it would probably be vanilla at best even if I can get through it…”
You trail off and look at the ground, gently pushing his hand away from your face. Astarion frowns.
“If you want someone who you can actually have fun with, it might be better to go find Alfira again,” you whisper woefully, “I would absolutely understand. No harm, no foul.”
Astarion’s heart breaks for you. He gently guides your eyes back to his. You look sad and dejected -like you are ready for him to get up and walk away. You are expecting him to confirm what Dahlia has always told you- that you are an ugly, wretched, little thing. Unloveable at best and absolutely unforgivably intolerable at your worst. Astarion has slept with plenty of virgins before- he knows how to say all the right honeyed words to get them to bed, but this is entirely different. This is you and your first, consensual time with a man if you choose. If you don’t, then he won’t press the matter, but leave his door wide open. Astarion is not Cazador or Dahlia- he is not going to force you.
“I don’t care about any of that Darling,” Astarion assures you quietly, “I want you, not Alfira. We only have to go as far as you are comfortable with- if you want to.”
Your eyes are wide and searching for any hint of insincerity.
“We could even try multiple times if needed,” he says jokingly, but he knows that you can tell he’s serious.
You beam at him and your posture straightens up- a new found confidence in your eyes.
“Okay,” you finally say, “I trust you. I want to try.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You would be lying if you weren’t feeling slightly anxious. The last person you had been with was Tessa and she’d been in the ground a little over 8 years now. The two of you had made a lot of groundwork in your last year together before she died. You had attempted to be with others before, but it never felt right so you could never go through with it.
This feels right. You just aren’t sure what your reaction will be, but you want him and Astarion wants you. You trust that he won’t hurt you.
Astarion pulls you up off of the sandy floor and gives you a smile, “I promise you, you do not want to try this in sand. I happen to know a very nice spot, but we are going to have to make a brief stop first.”
You smile enthusiastically and allow him to take your hand in his as he leads you back to camp.
The walk is a blur, you barely notice that Astarion had grabbed a blanket, taken you quite far from camp, and without warning, Astarion pulls you in for a breathtaking kiss.
You have to fight the urge to collapse completely into him, your arms snaking around his neck as you kiss him back. The kiss is slow, melodic and soft. Astarion’s strong arms hold you close to his chest as he picks you up before laying you down on the blanket.
You help him discard your clothes and your wet under garments. Astarion quickly discards his shirt and pants before he returns to kissing you sweetly, softly. You let your hands glide up his torso to his shoulders and let your hands fan out as you try to memorize every inch of his body. He groans with approval at the touch and when you go to touch his back- you find if you go a little too far over where there is raised skin, he tenses up.
You stop and look up at him- he doesn’t seem like he is all there.
“Star, are you okay? Are you sure you want this?”
Whatever trance he is in, he seems to snap out of and he kisses you sweetly before placing his forehead against yours.
“I assure you that I want this, that area is just… it has some sensitive spots.”
“Okay,” you whisper, “I’ll be mindful of that and try to avoid them. Is it mostly in the middle of your back?”
Astarion stares down at you and for a moment, you think he might start crying. Astarion’s face looks so raw and appreciative in that moment- as if you are the first and only person to ever take the time to listen. Maybe you are. Maybe this is just as much of a fear of his as it is for you.
“It is,” he says huskily,” I- thank you.”
You beam up at him and gently cup the left side of his face with your hand. He leans into the touch and you stroke his cheek bone with his thumb.
“Of course Astarion, I want you to feel safe too.”
Astarion kisses you with a neediness that wasn’t there before. The kisses are still soft and innocent, but a bit more urgent as his hands begin to slowly roam your body. Everywhere he touches leaves you feeling like you are on fire and you find that you never want it to stop. You are intoxicated and so wrapped up in his cologne, his lips- everything. Him.
Astarion’s lips leave yours and you breathlessly look at him. He smiles down at you and slowly moves his hands up to your breasts.
“May I?”
You shyly nod in approval. Astarion slowly begins to pinch and tease your sensitive buds with his fingers- you arch your back and cover your mouth as you whimper needily at the touch. It’s embarrassing how touch starved you are. Astarion pulls your hand away from your mouth and he stares at you through hooded eyes.
“None of that, my Dear,” he commands, “I want to hear every little sound you make.”
You blush and then are quickly squirming underneath him again as he gently takes one of your nipples between his mouth, sucking, licking, and teasing it while he rolls the other between his thumb and forefinger.
You are a complete mosning mess underneath him by the time Astarion’s fingers move from your breast to your throbbing clit- earning a loud, despairing whimper from you. You need so much more- you can feel your own slick coating the inside of your thighs, weeping in anticipation.
“My, you are a very needy lover,” he chastises you as he slides a finger in,” Gods you are so wet for me already. If I had known you wanted me this badly, I would have said something a long time ago.”
“Astarion-“ you gasp as he enters another digit inside you, causing you to arch your back keening as he teases your G-spot. His other finger continues to play with your now very swollen clit and with every moan you make, he praises you. The praise alone is enough to send you over the edge.
“You are being such a good girl for me,” as he enters another finger inside.
His mouth hovers over your clit, “I’m absolutely certain the Gods sent you to ruin me.”
“You taste like the heavens,” after his tongue has been flicking inside of you in tandem with his fingers.
You come undone underneath him- your hands have made purchase in his hair, and struggle to be as gentle as possible. He groans as you gently tug him up to your mouth, kissing him, tasting yourself on his swollen lips.
“Do you want to continue Darling?” Astarion whispers as he kisses up your neck, along your jaw, and slowly nips at your earlobe.
You need him inside you and you want him to be as close to you as possible. It’s like a Dam had broken open inside you and you never want it to stop flooding.
“Fuck- Astarion,” you pant, “please continue.”
Astarion kicks of his undergarments and dips his fingers between your folds and coats his cock with your orgasm. You are speechless as you watch him slowly stroke himself, looking at you.
Astarion puts himself in between your legs and you feel him tease your entrance.
“Before I start,” he says, “you need to tell me if it’s too much and if we need to stop. You will not offend me nor hurt my feelings. We can try again another time if you want.”
“The same goes to you.”
There was that look again. Astarion grabs your bottom lip between his teeth, the neediness has certainly grown since the last statement.
You feel him begin to guide himself inside you, slowly moving until he’s bottoming out- curse words and your name leaving his lips like a prayer. You feel the tears prick your eyes at the pinching and pressure as you adjust to his size. He slowly rocks himself in and out, barely making any movement, but enough to stimulate you more.
“Are you okay?” He says with alarm, wiping your tears.
“Yes- I promise,” you say between panting whimpers, you press your ankles into his lower back to keep him there. It’s beginning to feel better and you open up through the tadpole to show him you mean it. The thoughts were probably far hornier than you meant to show him and he smirks at you.
“Cheeky pup.”
Astarion begins to make his thrusts longer as your moans became louder and more euphoric sounding. You kiss him with fervor as he pumps in and out of you, keeping a slow pace.
“You can speed up now,” you whisper between kisses, “you feel really fucking good inside of me Star.”
Astarion moans against your mouth, the kiss becoming sloppy as he teases your bottom lip between his, pulling slightly. You feel his hips begin to snap slightly harder against yours and you cry out as he begins to hit that perfect spot faster and slightly harder.
“You are so beautiful,” he says while grazing the sensitive skin on your neck, “and you feel so fucking good around my cock.
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to stand any of our other companions looking at you sideways ever again.”
“Then give them a reason not to.”
That seemed to be enough for Astarion as he immediately goes to work leaving hickeys along your neck, your shoulders. You will have to ask him how he’s able to do it so gently.
Astarion’s thrusts inside you are getting sloppier and you have your hands dug in the earth as he slightly lifts you off the ground to get more leverage. You moan his name in between curse words and whimpers as another powerful orgasm rips through your body. You feel him stutter as you tighten around him and finish inside of you. Astarion’s pace moves to a slow rhythm before coming to a halt.
Vampire and half-vampire perks- the whole kid thing? Basically not even remotely possible.
Astarion lays gently on top of you, kissing your neck lazily.
“How was that, Darling?” Astarion asks as he looks into your eyes with concern and worry.
You gently grab his face with your hands and leave a chaste kiss on his lips.
“It was absolutely perfect,” you say, your brain foggy and swimming in the throes of bliss and your deep fondness of the man above you, “you are absolutely perfect.”
************************************
You had fallen asleep quite some time ago in Astarion’s arms. The concept of what happens after sex (normally) was quite foreign to him. Usually he was dragging people to their death after sex, but now he gets to sit and enjoy you- have you all to himself. After it had all been said and done, you had curled into one another, practically nose to nose and just talked. You caught up with each other about what the other missed over the last three days, picked the next ideal type of book to read, and how disasterous the Crèche is likely going to be considering Shadowheart is insisting on going. Lae’zel is positively miffed about it. You laugh and he asks about Minthara. You tell him about the vision she showed you, but he could tell you were holding something back. You don’t push him- he won’t push you.
You tell him about your mother- a former Lolth sorceress who didn’t align with the Spider Queen’s ideals. She was shunned by her parents when she denounced Lolth and she moved to the surface- meeting your dad. Your mother was practical and pragmatic- calculating and protective. Your father, on the other hand, was like a warm breeze on a perfect sunny day.
Astarion tells you about what little he remembers of his life as a Magistrate and his parents. You both ponder what they could possibly be doing in the world right then- pretending there is a possibility that you could find them together when this was all over- even just so he can know.
Astarion’s head is swimming with confusion. It was all very different than when Astarion had gone out hunting for Cazador.
You and him had spent at least a two and a half weeks getting to know each other extensively, spent quality time together over mutual hobbies, and you’ve even seemed to meld together as a fighting duo. You are friends- Astarion expected it to be maybe slightly different, more enjoyable than usual.
Astarion was quickly proven wrong.
This was eons different. Despite the feelings of it being tainted to some degree due to his past, it had been jaw dropping, sweet, simple, and, dare he even say it, intimate. Astarion finds that he actually craves more of you this way, but he also still wants you the way you had each other before. The shame and self-loathing are choking him. There is no way you’ll see him as something other than sex now.
Right?
Astarion honestly isn’t sure and that terrifies him. You were so kind to him tonight while you were in his arms. You respected his boundaries; you avoided that part of his body even though he didn’t tell you not to; you wanted him to feel safe with you too. You took the time to talk to him and play with his hair while he spoke about his parents, becoming a bit emotional.
Vanilla is hardly the word to describe what just happened between the two of you- it was wonderful and frightening. Astarion questions if it’s selfish to want more, to abandon his plan all together.
Astarion stares down at your sleeping face as your limbs are tangled with his. He wants to stay, but he wants to run away from you too. Except Astarion needs your protection- that’s what this was all for, wasn’t it?
That’s what compels him to leave soft kisses on your forehead and to hold you a little tighter- it’s why tears fall from Astarion’s cheeks onto the blanket beneath you when he thinks about the day you’ll end up letting him go.
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hyuukais · 2 years ago
Text
Take My Time
You want to help but you don’t want to be alone. There’s just never enough time for the two of you. He’s got too much work, you’ve got too little, beginning taking up tasks no one has asked for. Maybe all you need is to take out each others time instead.
word count: 2.1k
genres: Prince!Taehyun x Fiancé!Reader, established relationship, some angst, some fluff
warnings: a little suggestive but nothing too hard, reader is referred to as a “fiancé” tho remains otherwise gn!
author: hello everyone!! it feels like it’s been a while, and it definitely has. i’ve been super busy as of late but i’m super excited to be getting back into a groove of writing! anyways, this is my submission for @kflixnet ‘s exchange event ! dedicated to the wonderful @byeolhyesisi (byu)! i wish i had realized earlier that you were a stay, so i could have written something more personal for you </3 either way i hope you still like it !!
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Silence echoes in the high ceilings of the dining room. Only the lonely sounds of your chewing break through. The grand table, decorated with pastries and meats and fruits from across the four kingdoms, surrounded by nothing but air. Your solitary presence takes up a minuscule corner seat. This loneliness is routine, simply another requirement to being the crown prince’s significant other. Each morning, the royal cooks and servants laid out extravagant meals, all to be enjoyed by the royal family and advisors. And each morning, you were usually the only one sitting at the table. Some mornings, the Queen would stop in for a moment, though she never stayed long; Huening was a frequent visitor, only ever grabbing a handful of tarts before skittering away. It wasn’t their fault. Ever since the king’s abdication coupled with your engagement, everyone in the castle was suddenly a lot busier. You seemed to be the rare exception. In the days, when Taehyun had been stolen away by countless court officials and the sight of his face seemed nothing but a faded memory, you so often found yourself in this very position; alone. The empty echo of grand rooms unfilled, the hollow thump of your feet in lasting corridors, the quiet page flip of a book almost finished.
Now, breakfast finished, you place down the little silverware you used upon your plate, readying it to be returned. The staff usually tried to stop you when you showed up in the kitchen; going on about you not needing to do their work, sometimes panicked as though they’d failed to do a far more incredibly important task than collecting your breakfast dining ware. However, you found it felt nice to help out in any way possible, despite most’ consistent rejection of your need to work. You’d even begun a quiet project of restoring the library’s most neglected corners, though you doubt anyone went in there as often as you to even notice. 
The click of your shoes follows you through the stoney stairwell down to the kitchen. Swirling around yourself, down down to the landing where the scent of fresh bread is permanent and heat permeates from the walls. The deep hum of conversation flies beneath the door; something almost familiar in the way it flows. You reach for the door, balancing the dirty dishes in one hand before it swings open by itself. The shock shoves you back a step, almost toppling the plates you were holding. Swift hands jump out to save you from the disaster, steadying your fall. The rough of calluses scratch at your skin with palms hesitant to touch you.
“Ah, sorry about that, your highness. I was in a bit of a rush.” The kind voice of Royal General Choi betrays some tremble of nerves.
“No, no, it’s okay. Thank you, General, and please, call me Y/n.”
“Well, then, please call me Yeonjun.” He breaks away from his fairly tense smile with a chuckle you join in on. “Have a good day, Y/n.”
He quickly brushed past you in a hurry. “You too.” A thought suddenly struck you, turning you around. “Wait, Yeonjun, do you know where Taehyun will be today?”
The man’s eyes go wide, very obvious in how you caught him off-guard. “Taehyun? Well, um, I believe he’ll be in meetings with the-uh-King’s Council all day. Yeah. Why, is there something you need him for?”
Your heart falls a little, as though you didn’t already know; he’s going to be very busy from now on, as is any king. You may be his fiancé but, unmarried, you were less than his consort. That was your sacrifice for a love you cherished more than anything. “No, no, just curious. Thank you, Yeonjun.”
The burning hearth warms your heart as you greet the young maiden tending its flames beneath a tray of exquisitely made sweets. She nods back, used to your presence down here. You move off toward the sinks, saying hello as you go, workers greeting you in return. They shuffle around with grand trays and brooms; the loud thump of those slicing up fruits and vegetables. Approaching the old woman hunched over a small bucket of water, you watched her shaking hands work into the already shining silver of a large platter.
“Good morning, Alice.”
She stops scrubbing, wiping the suds off on her apron and softly taking the dishes from your hands. “Oh good morning, dear.” The plates placed to soak in the soapy water, she pulls on your hands to have you sit on the stool beside her. “How was breakfast this morning?”
“Oh, well, nothing new. The muffins were very good.” Her wrinkling fingers rubbed slowly over yours.
She hummed before leaning over, a puckish smirk now stretched up to the glint in her eyes, “And? Any sight of his majesty?”
“Ah.” You find yourself looking away, suddenly much more interested in alleviating her of some of the china all piled high next to you.
“My goodness! You ate alone again?”
“He’s very busy, Halmeoni, he’s about to be King. The last thing he needs is to be distract-“
“Ah!” Her hand snatched yours out of the warming waters, “Don’t you finish that sentence. I cannot let you say that word. You are not a distraction. Excuse my disgrace, but King or not, you are his partner. If he cannot give you the time for a simple meal together, after you have left behind your life to come here and be with him. Then, my child, he is not worth your time.” Her kindly features wrinkled with her downturned brow, with the greatest strength she could muster, her hands squeezed into yours. Her eyes held wisdom beyond your years, locked behind a lifetime of lost chances.
“I-“ Some rotten feeling deep down inside of you knows she’s right. Still, the most rational part of you knew that nothing of this was purposeful. He was preparing to lead a nation, no simple feat, and yet. You had given up your relatively stable life in the village working as a florist, which is how you’d met Taehyun in the first place. When he kept coming back to your quaint little store on the edge of the capital, week after week, buying bouquets and arrangements, which he eventually confided all went in his private study. Things simply evolved from there; dates, dinners, walks, until he asked you to marry him, which meant moving into the palace. Of course you accepted and that’s where you were now; alone in the home he promised to build with you. 
“I’ll talk to him, Alice. I promise. Now let me help you with some of these dishes.”
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The musk of paper was shrouded behind the mounds of dirt filling the air. Particles fly, with every swish of your hand the haze gets heavier. Your rag has almost lost all its original color beneath a smooth coating of dust. Towering above, the delicate curves of the mahogany shelves are perhaps the cleanest they’ve been in centuries. Your small corner of respite, lit up only by artificial light, was slowly finding new life. This section, tucked in the very back of the library, past the rows and rows of classical titles and grandiose histories, was perhaps your favorite genre of all. Three wide-spanning bookcases, all piled to the brims with books on horticulture. Books full of plants and flowers and soils and meanings. One detailing the language of flowers, the most well-worn in the section, mainly from its use by you. As a florist, of course, you already knew much of the information here, but your heart yearned for everything to keep in touch with the knowledge.
You set down the dusting rag, taking a step back to admire your work. The rich browns, intricately carved with scenes of nature and gods, shimmer like they’re glossed and new. All of the books settled along the shelves are just as clean despite their varying states. Your hand reached for the one you’ve read time and time again, curling up in the armchair stuffed in between bookcases. Here, the world slips away. Taken in by the plush feeling, the woody scent, the low light, and the beautiful sketches laid out on the paper before you. You fall into a peace where this time alone is cherishable. Words swallow up your thoughts, sounds around you faded, and you forget everything. Until the soft thump of footsteps filters into the air. An odd sound, you had never seen anyone else coming in here before. The sound grows closer with its source soon rounding the corner.
A blue head of hair comes into your view. You take pause for a moment, reeling in a state of shock. Taehyun’s face lights up as he makes eye contact with you and begins walking forward.
“Y/n.”
He’s dressed to a tee, a starched suit dipped in midnight blues and dressed in accents of gold. Jewels and medals dripped down above his breast pocket. He looks amazing, expensive and royal and elegant. Yet, with the undone buttons slowly creeping further down, there is a sense of exhaustion in his stance.
You stand from the chair to meet him halfway down the aisle. “Tae-what-what are you doing here?”
You aren’t prepared for when he immediately took hold of your hands and brought his lips onto yours. In the rushed moment, his lips still land softly, hands slowly encircling your waist and ever so slightly tugging you closer. Your eyes stay open in surprise, hands not knowing where to fall for a moment. Yet, as he pulls you in tighter, your eyes flutter shut, succumbing to the heat his mouth trails upon your skin. When he pulls away, it takes a moment for them to crack open. Faces still so close, you feel every heavy breath he takes pounding in his chest.
The heady silence draws your words out into a whisper. “Love…what are you doing here?”
His breathing is replaced with a heavy sigh as his grasp around your waist loosens. Big, round boba eyes open up to meet you. “Do I need a reason to come see you?”
“Well-no, of course not. It’s just…” His eyes move back and forth, trying to catch yours as you look away.
“…I’m sorry I haven’t been around very much.” You shoot your head up to find the regretful smile he’d placed in his lips.
“No-no, Tae it’s not-you-you’ve got a lot on your plate! You-”
“I should never be too busy for you.” The delicate sweep of his fingers over your temple causes a swift thumping in your chest. “I’m being pulled in so many different directions at the moment and you’ve been so patient with me; thank you for that. I haven’t been taking the moments I’ve had to spend with you. I really am sorry. This King stuff is important, but before all of that should be the person I’ve dedicated the rest of my life to.”
His thumb rubs a sweet circle around your cheek. In a rush, you pull his face back down to yours, taking him by surprise this time. In the farthest corner of the least-traversed room, you took in his heat, his love, his time and gave him all of yours in return. Even startled, his hands wrap back into position, pressing you into him. The overwhelming smell of his black cherry scent melts you down deeper. His lips are rougher this time, pushing back against you with a new fervor. Your hands travel up into his hair, tressing through the blue silk. A sigh slips between your lips and there’s a noticeable relaxing of Taehyun’s shoulders.
You pull away first still bumping the tip of your nose onto his.
“So,” His breaths are heavy, “I guess that means I’m forgiven?”
“Tae, love,” The smile he wears is far lighter now. “You didn’t have to apologize in the first place. You’re busy with a lot of really important things; I understand that. And I was never mad at you, I-I was just lonely. I want to be there for you in any way I can, but I barely see you in my day-to-day. We just need to learn how to make the time. You know I’ll miss a few hours of sleep just so I can spend time with you.”
“I love you, Y/n, but don’t go missing sleep over me.”
You giggle while leaning up to his cheek. “I love you too, my prince.”
“I still have some time now, not sure how much. I lost the tailor and Soobin maybe, 20 or so minutes ago. He probably won’t find me for a while.”
“Wait-wha-Taehyun, you ran away from your tailor!?”
“You weren’t the only one feeling a little lonely.” He seals the words with one final kiss filled with laughter and love. Taking up your slowly ticking time together.
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© HYUUKAIS 2023
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tagging: @ibyeonjun
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moonfall666 · 18 days ago
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Its 2am and I can't sleep so here's a shitty essay on why I believe MAGA is a doomsday cult.
I can't stop thinking about the 2018 film The Trump Prophecy. It's a "true" documentary about a so-called prophet who, in 2011, predicts the future presidency of Donald Trump. And it's fucking terrifying when you think about all the implications.
But first I need to talk about evangelicals and modern interpretations of biblical end times. So I am not an expert and am definitely going to get things wrong, and its important to note that there is no one standard belief when it comes to extremism like this (because these beliefs often have no textual basis in the bible), but it has 3 key points I will talk about: the belief in Christ's Second Coming, the belief in an Anti-Christ, and the belief in Christian Zionism.
The Second Coming is very simple; Jesus comes back to welcome all the good Christians into heaven, and bring upon the Apocalypse to punish the non-believers.
The Antichrist is another key part to the apocalypse. Popular (arguably antisemitic) interpretations say not only is he Jewish, but specifically the messiah that Jews are waiting for.
Christian Zionism relates these two ideas together while also fitting the prophetic requirement of return of Israel. For Jesus to come and rapture everyone, first the Jews have to return to their Holy Land. Honestly I'm not even going to attempt to explain this myself, you can do some reading yourself. This article from Al-Shabaka is very informative and a good place to start: https://al-shabaka.org/briefs/the-dangerous-exceptionalism-of-christian-zionism/
Further reading (because Google sucks)
https://www.midnightsunmag.ca/to-oppose-zionism-we-have-to-deal-with-christian-zionism/
https://www.thebanner.org/features/2019/12/why-i-m-not-a-christian-zionist
https://balfourproject.org/rev-dr-munther-isaac-christian-zionism-as-imperial-theology/
https://baptistnews.com/article/how-zionism-poisoned-western-christianity/
More Desired Than Our Owne Salvation: The Roots of Christian Zionism - Robert Smith
So back to Trump.
In April 2011, a man named Mark Taylor apparently heard the voice of God in his head as he fell asleep to Donald Trump on TV. The prophecy went something like this:
“The Spirit of God says, I have chosen this man Donald Trump for such a time as this. For as Benjamin Netanyahu is to Israel so shall this man be to the United States of America. For I will use this man to bring honor, respect, and restoration to America.” (its longer than this, you can read more here, as well as someone breaking down how its wrong lol)
So obviously this is crazy, but giving it any deep thought, it starts to become kinda scary. The "prophecy" places Trump and Netanyahu into a dichotomy. Trump is clearly stated as a savior to America, while Netanyahu's relationship to this seems unclear. Is he meant to be a savior to Israel? Or is he meant to be the opposite of a savior? Or could it be both?
No one, not even the craziest MAGAs will say it aloud, but I 100% believe this prophecy is placing the two into the roles of Christ and Antichrist. I am very serious when I say that I think MAGAs believe Trump to be the Second Coming of Christ. It's the reason why everything that goes wrong (losing the 2020 election, the assassination attempt etc) only strengthens their beliefs--it is genuinely comparable to crucifying their messiah, which is just proof they are following the right man. Every criticism to Trump is persecuting their messiah.
It is also why you will find ex-MAGA accusing Trump of being the Antichrist. It is a major part of the belief of the Antichrist that he will present himself as a messiah and gain lots of followers before his true nature is revealed. So for these ex-MAGA to now believe he is the Antichrist, they must have previously believed him to Christ-adjacent.
(If you have never heard of these people before, there are so many communities online with r/DonaldTrump666 and r/Trump666 being 2 examples, each having 2.6k and 3.6k members respectively. There may be some trolls in these communities, but every post I have read seems to be written by people who genuinely believe.)
So, why do so many people believe in all this religious conspiracy and prophecy stuff? I think a big reason is that there is a huge, global mental health epidemic currently that makes people a lot more vulnerable to indoctrination and conspiracy theory. There is also low education and literacy rates that makes it difficult for people to detect propaganda. The internet also helps a lot with the spread of conspiracy theories--and I know this first hand. My dad is down the QAnon/Trump/Antivaxxer rabbit hole (and has been since 2016 but it gets worse every year), but also I was falling for conspiracies for my first few years of internet access as a child. Algorithms on platforms like youtube make it easy to fall down rabbit holes, and communities like reddit and forums create echochambers that are difficult to escape. And worst of all in my opinion is the dopamine you get each time you discover a new piece of information for your conspiracy, which goes so well with modern algorithm culture.
But the biggest reason is actually.... I think Trump started this on purpose. From a vox article:
Trump’s top evangelical advisors, such as prosperity gospel preacher Paula White and First Baptist Dallas preacher Robert Jeffress, have frequently implied that Trump’s authority is virtually unlimited because his presidency is divinely mandated.
Project 2025 and everything Trump advocates for are horrible for the world. But even worse is if his followers really believe he is the Second Coming of Christ, or at least just chosen by God as part of His plan for the Second Coming like Taylor's prophecy, then what are the implications for world ending issues like climate change? Climate change has caused so many deadly floods, fires, hurricanes, etc lately, but what motivation does a government built on the idea of Parousia have to give any aid to people suffering from "apocalyptic" disasters? What motivation would they have to improve this world if they all want it to end?
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jeongintwenty3 · 2 years ago
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10.53 p.m.
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pairing: lee know x gn!reader
genre: fluff, slight hurt comfort
summary: a sick you unwillingly decided to call off the date, but minho didn’t seem to mind one bit.
warnings: mentions of sickness, tears
author’s note: hiii! my third update of the day HAHA my midterms are coming soon so i probably am able to draft a few, let’s hope i can be more active after this. any asks or requests are appreciated <3 thank you for staying around and thank you for existing, love yaaaa!
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It was Friday, which means it’s date night! However, due to your lover being absent for the past week due to his work which required him to leave town for a bit, it’s getting postponed. As the night grew darker, your lids grew heavier. A fatigue started to fuzz your entire being, leaving you sweating buckets for a minute and shivering for another. There laid yourself on the bed that’s somehow uncomfortable when usually, it’s the safest place you can ever cocoon yourself in. The thin shirt you wore felt like two layers of the thickest hoodies you own, the constant breaking of sweat seemed to keep your body on edge, fraying each and every nerve. Sight blurred with what you made out to be tiredness, you reached for the cabinet that stored the many medicines – trying to identify which one worked best for you, you accidentally knocked over the thermos. Grunting, you gave up and decided to just wait for Minho to come home. His plane landed just an hour ago, so it’s estimated that in ten minutes, your boyfriend will walk through the door. Everything will be okay, you tried convincing yourself. But the constant thrumming in your head, the shivers running up and down your body kept yourself from believing so. After a few minutes of tiptoeing between the line of unconsciousness and being awake, you let yourself lose in the battle with sleep.
There was the man you’ve been waiting all night for, taking off his shoes and putting the socks in the laundry, his feet leading him to the oddly dark living room. Checking his phone, Minho found it weird – the last text you sent was saying you’re in the living room, watching the drama Minho claimed to be unrealistic. Dropping his luggage as quietly as possible, he padded his way through the premises, it’s too quiet for his liking. Minho figured you’d be in the master bedroom after checking both the reading room and kitchen. His hunch was right, you were practically sleeping – but you were unfit. The rummaged drawer of medicines, remnants of sweat and the thermos on the floor practically gave it away. Even though he tried picking up the piece of metal daintily, his presence somewhat set an alarm off in you – causing you to jolt awake and for the pain to double. Eyes wide open, you felt suffocated.
Minho directed every last bit of his attention towards his lover. Noticing something was definitely wrong, he checked your temperature by pressing his lips to your forehead. It was warmer than usual, he thought.
“Baby, you’re burning up,” he whispered, tucking away the locks that fell messily upon your face.
“I am hot, thanks,” you retaliate, not knowing where the energy came from.
Shaking his head, he asked, “Since when were you feeling like this?” – eyes busy taking in your figure, hands rubbing your forearm with utmost care. Minho never wanted to come home to this sight, to his lover deteriorating due to this fever that emerged out of nowhere – or so he thought.
“Last night was merely a headache. Today’s a hundred times worse,” you confessed, “Maybe it’s because I kinda got caught up with work lately.” Minho held his palm out, reaching for your left cheek. You sighed, nuzzling into his touch – rubbing it fondly, he shot you a sad smile, “I told you to take breaks, hmm?”
“Please don’t lecture me. What I need is your hugs, not your anger. Please?” eyes slightly tearing up and red, Minho felt his heart chip at the sight.
“Wasn’t even planning on getting angry, baby. Here, drink up,” he offered your thermos and two blue pills for you to consume – in hopes you'll sleep better. Minho helped you sit up, leaning your head on the headboard. Doing exactly what he said, you gulped the whole thermos. Minho patted your head a few times, just like how he’d pet his three cats back home. He found you adorable and he hates (not) how soft you make him feel.
“Hugs,” you said, holding out your two arms for him to slot himself into.
“I haven’t showered,” he defended himself. Huffing, you crossed your arms placing them in front of your chest. Minho laughed at your gesture and continued, “15 minutes, then I’ll give you hugs. What do you think?”
“Five,”
“Ten, then,”
“Fine.”
Ten minutes passed by in a whiz, but somehow sleep found you right before Minho could snuggle under the duvet with you. Giggling at your figure, he checked your temperature again with the same method as before – curtly pressing his lips on your forehead. The temperature’s gone down, he thought, it’s still warm but it’s better than before. This action pulled you out of your dozed state. Without opening your eyes, you pointed at your lips, a signal for him to kiss your lips too. Complying to your antics, Minho leaned in and swiftly pecked your lips. You missed him, but your current condition is hindering you from smothering Minho with all the love he can get.
“Sorry I ruined our Friday night,” you apologized, eyes still closed but body moving closer to him.
Minho’s hands found its way to your waist, eroding any distance left between the two of you. Leaving kisses here and there, he loved seeing the way you’d slightly scrunch your eyebrows and squirmed everytime he left a peck.
“You didn’t ruin anything, baby. I love taking care of you. Are you feeling better?”
“Much,”
“Then that’s what matters. Get some rest, yeah? I’ll be here when you wake up,” he whispered, looking at you with pools of love swimming in his two brown orbs, even though you were in a condition you described as hella ugly – hair unruly, lips chapped and skin seeming to lose some melanin due to the sickness. Resting your head on the broad of his chest, he took the blanket and covered the two of you, making sure you were comfortable.
Seeing that you got dragged back into the abyss of sleep, Minho stayed awake for an extra 30 minutes, making sure the illness wasn’t disrupting any of the peaceful sleep you needed. Before heading straight into dreamland, he kissed your forehead and whispered, “I love you, feel better soon, my love.”
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butch-reidentified · 1 year ago
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“ask the average reader to guess whether a male or female wrote this based on the fact that the author used coarse language I bet they’ll tell you male 😏” this is what you sound like. that person clearly wasn’t even saying that women with body hair are disgusting, they were likening themselves to them, and condemning holding yourself and others to pedophilic beauty standards and you have to be reading it in the worst faith possible to have any other takeaway
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yeahhh you're making shit up lmfao
post being referenced:
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I never said he said women with body hair are disgusting. I never thought he said that; he was clearly trying to say that we're all just gross animals. If other people claimed he said that, talk to them. HOWEVER. he said "u are a nasty little slug too and having a vachina does not absolve u of that." I take issue with this specifically because radfems take a very "humans are just animals like any other" view. We do not believe "having a vagina" makes us superior or cleaner or less animalistic or whatever the fuck he was trying to say with that weird ass sentence.
my saying that any rando on the street would more than likely read that and assume it was written by a male is not about "coarse language" (this literally made me laugh out loud, so ty). have you looked at my blog?? it doesn't get much more "coarse language" than my writing 💀 you can say "this is what you sound like" all day, but you made that up completely while dozens if not hundreds of women knew exactly what I was referring to. Not that I actually believe that you were confused what I meant by that, but to be clear, his post reads as male because it reeks of porn-induced brainrot. "breedable 12 year old anime girls floating in a glass jar of formaldehyde waiting for some old man to come and fuck them and tell them they are so teeeeeeeeny tiny and worth it" specifically is simply not a turn of phrase (or even abstractified image) that would ever enter my mind in a million years, nor that of any woman I know. I've never seen a woman say something quite that far porn-rotted. not that it's never happened at all, but I've never seen it and I would bet my life it's exceptionally uncommon.
Everything within that image he painted is the polar opposite of how radfems see women/what radfems want for women. "Holding yourself and others to pedophilic beauty standards" - you mean the exact ones radfems speak out against relentlessly every single day??? Search my blog for terms like "female body hair," "shaving," "beauty myth," and the like, and tell me how on earth you came to the conclusion that I think women should shave or tweeze or laser or whatever a SINGLE hair even once in their entire lives. I don't shave my legs, which were wildly god-tier hairy BEFORE even I was on T. I don't shave my bush, I don't shave my armpits, I don't shave my mustache or the chin hairs cross-sex hormones gave me.
Radfeminism is opposed to every single thing that has to do with the gender construct. We absolutely do not have any requirements or expectations or criteria for womanhood beyond simply being a human + female. Like I said about viewing humans like any other animals, radfems see "woman = female human" the same way one means "doe = female deer." Woman is not a gender; it's a term referring simply to species (human) and to sex (female). That's it. No further expectations or criteria apply.
Before you try to argue that this definition excludes women who are infertile or intersex, let me be very clear about sex:
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> "of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs"
"the sex that CAN" is crucial to defining female/male. the female body has biologically, genetically, and physiologically developed from before birth to support the POTENTIAL capability of producing large gametes (eggs aka ova). It is totally irrelevant if one has a medical complication that prevents her from actually producing those gametes; which gametes your body has clearly developed structurally and functionally to produce is what defines your sex, no matter what.
The fact that this is how we view "woman" and "man," as simply referencing one's sex and humanity - this is why we maintain that trans-identified males are men. Again, we don't see "man" as a gender in the slightest. We don't engage with the gender construct at all beyond our desire to dismantle it entirely so that everyone would be able to live free from those roles/stereotypes/expectations that are assigned on the basis of sex.
This makes it a ridiculous thing to assert that we have to "go so far to prove that trans women are actually men...." We do not feel that it requires any effort at all to say "a drake is a male duck, a buck is a male doe, a man is a male human." It CERTAINLY does not in ANY capacity require us to "reduce women" to that horrific sentence, or to "reduce women" at all. Is it "reducing" a doe to state that she is a female deer?
It also makes it ridiculous to insist radfems "dehumanize" women by using this definition - the definition which includes "human" as a non-negotiable criterion.
About the first of his two-part post pictured above, last but far from least: There will NEVER come a day when women - ESPECIALLY lesbians & ESPECIALLY extremely gnc lesbians - calling out misogynistic males for their behavior counts as "punching down." No matter how he identifies, how he dresses, where he works, what his talents are, what he likes/dislikes, his sexual orientation, or anything else, women (and again, lesbian women especially) do not hold institutional/systemic power over men.
as for the 10 foot pole part, I really couldn't care less what he meant or why, tbqh, because the supremely creepy pedophilic rant that made up the first part was the thing we all truly took issue with in that screenshot.
and let's not forget, this all started bc he called an ND woman the r slur for her critique asserting that he was appropriating a type of religious trauma specific to the sex-based oppression of women/girls, and profiting from doing so. personally, as a human female with a history of such religious trauma, while this has been resolved for approximately 7 years in my case, I still vehemently object to any male claiming it as his own for profit. especially if said profit is hoarded rather than given back to victims of such trauma.
NOTE: this answer was written while I'm barely staying conscious. I will come back to edit/clean up a bit later after getting some rest 😴
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